Breaking Heart

My heart is heavy this day. I feel such sadness and sorrow as I face the loss of my friend. My emotions are mixed. One part of me wants Lesa to be free of the pain and suffering she is experiencing. The other part wants to hold onto her for dear life. That would be the selfish part of me.This is not the Lesa I was with yesterday. All I could do was kneel at her side, hold her hand and cry as she slept. She wants so badly to return home yet her body will not release her beautiful spirit. Why? Why does she have to linger? Why must she continue to suffer? Why? She is so weak now. How long will she have to continue this journey? When is it enough?

I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm struggling with saying goodbye to someone I so dearly love. I laugh. I cry. I grieve. There is just so much I feel... Is this what it feels like when your heart is breaking?

Auntie Brenda

Ok, so I'm not a blood relative to some of my special little friends, but I've still earned the title of Aunt Brenda to most. Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending a few hours with 3 such friends. While their mommy attending a training class, I got to have fun and spoil them... and of course when I was finished spoiling them, I sent them home to their parents. I'm going to be such a "wonderful" grandmother some day.After naps were taken and Hayden had arrived from school, it was time to bake some cookies. Hayden was my wing man and he did a superb job! We baked a batch of "Lots of Good Stuff" cookies; half with butterscotch chips, the other with chocolate chips. Of course I had to fight everyone off of the batter bowl... Em and Brie taught Hayden and Connor the fine art of sneaking batter... BAD GIRLS. I warned Hayden to never marry a girl like my girls. When all was said and done Hayden, Connor, Serena, and of course their dad, Mike, went home with 2 doz. fresh cookies to enjoy while Angie (mommy) was still working. All well that ends well. Come see me again someday... you're welcome anytime.

ANNOUNCING....

the newest member of the family!!!My nephew, Michael, and his wife, Sarah, welcomed their first son into their growing family. He was born yesterday, Fri. April 23rd at 1:52P. He weighed 8lbs. 3oz. and was 19.5" long. He is a keeper. He looked unbelievably good... no marks or anything. He's very handsome.

Sarah said the delivery went really smooth and while I was there, she was up walking and feeling very good. She wasn't in any pain at all. Amazing woman! She had already nursed the baby twice by the time I arrived at 7:30P. Alexandra and Isabel had been in to see their new little brother as well. And Michael is so cute with the baby. You can tell he's happy with his new son. For the record, I'm not being vague about the baby's name. As of 10P last night, Mom and Dad hadn't decided on a name. I told them they'd better get to it before I started calling him Hank. Geech... they only had 39 weeks to come up with something. Get with it for Pete's sake. ☺

There you have it. Another little spirit has arrived. A family is celebrating their newest member. Life is good.

Happy Earth Day

I thought the best was I could celebrate Earth Day was by not heating my house with oil, keeping all my lights off, not cooking, running water, flushing the toilet, driving my car, eating, or breathing. I wanted to minimize my carbon footprint as much as humanly possible.............................. Ummm, not exactly. I didn't do a darn thing any different today than I would do any other day of the year. While I do not think we should destroy the earth, I also do not believe in climate change and the fact that everything we do is harming this planet. Thus my support of Exploit the Earth or die. It’s not a threat. It’s a fact. Either man takes the Earth’s raw materials—such as trees, petroleum, aluminum, and atoms—and transforms them into the requirements of his life, or he dies. To live, man must produce the goods on which his life depends; he must produce homes, automobiles, computers, electricity, and the like; he must seize nature and use it to his advantage. There is no escaping this fact. Even the allegedly “noble” savage must pick or perish. Indeed, even if a person produces nothing, insofar as he remains alive he indirectly exploits the Earth by parasitically surviving off the exploitative efforts of others.

The fact annoys some people. But it shouldn’t: Hence our “Exploit the Earth or Die” campaign.

Because the earth is a living organism, it has and will continue to change and evolve, heat and cool, shift and settle. That is the nature of nature, is it not? Again, my position isn't to destroy what we have, rather to use wisely what God has created and instructed us to use for our benefit.

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

My New Addictions

Yes, I have more than one new addiction. Actually these new addictions started months ago and have only gotten worse. I'm sorry, I've turned into a junkie and the only way I can get my fix is by engrossing myself in the following.Take a look see at this.... Flash Forward. A show about how the entire world blacks out for a period of time and everyone sees into their future. The show is full of twists and turns that keeps you guessing what's going to happen next.And then there's Southland. This is a gritty, in your face show about police work in South LA, thus the name, Southland. The show is fast paced and quite accurate. I love it!!!And what about "V." This show was on in the 80's (I think) and it was ok then. Now it's great. The new and improved "V" visitors are hot, and when they do their lizard thing they look pretty narly. The 5th column ("V" resistors) are fighting to save the human race. Lots of suspense and questioning who is or is not a "V."And last but by no means least, my favorite... Merlin. It's the new bbc version. I've always been intrigued by Merlin, magic, and the days of Camelot. The show is humorous and witty. It's an entirely different way of telling the story of Merlin.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Here's the thing though, I don't think of this as a problem. I suppose I'll just have to live with the these monkeys on my back for now. Gotta go. I have to watch "V." It's recorded and waiting for me. ☺

Monster Mom

I think the time has come to let the cat out of the bag and reveal my true identity. I am not a mom! I am a MONSTER MOM (growling, thrashing my head to and fro, eyes bulging out of my head, teeth dripping drool, claws growing out of my fingers kind of monster)!!!I know this may come as a surprise, but it's true. I think I should be locked up on an island (one with nice accommodations and great, healthy food.... and a really sexy guy wouldn't hurt either) before I go off and do something really bad.

Any takers?

Coy Boys

What do you get when you combine tortellini soup, Battleship, Stratego, popcorn, and the movie, Race to Witch Mountain? A super fun evening with great-nephews!!! I got to spend a few hours with the Coy boys yesterday. We had a blast. They shared their talents in the areas of belching and farting, while I did the same. Hey, I never said I was an angel, right!?!

After finishing up supper we split into teams, Harrison/Brie against Zane/Aunt Brenda. Harrison beat us by 1 move on Battleship, and absolutely pounded us at Stratego. He did, however, give me lots of compliments on how well I had done for my first time playing that particular game. It was funny trying to keep Zane from giving away our positions... he's so "helpful" that way.

The highlight of the evening was a conversation with Ewan. It went something like this.....

Ewan: "Why do you have big boobs?"
Me: "I don't know, why do you have little boobs?"
Ewan (tugging on the top of his shirt): "Because I'm a boy."
Me: "I guess I have big boobs because I'm a girl."

Keep in mind that when he began the question, I was expecting something completely different. He didn't ask about my big belly, or big butt. Nope, bless his pea picking heart, it was all about the boobs! Out of the mouths of babes.

Looking forward to spending more time with the boys. Ewan asked me if I could take them to the park. I'll have set a date to do just that. Let the adventures begin. ☺

Blind Sided Lion King

Yesterday was the yearly Priest/Laurel trip. This year Bishop Bushey and the YM/YW Presidency's decided on a trip to see a Broadway show. A group of youth from our ward left shortly after 8:30a to head to NYC to see The Lion King.

Top L~R.. Alex, John, Caleb.. Middle L~R Emile, Jael, Deanna, Emily.. Bottom.. Bishop Bushey

The kids arrived home, safe and sound, around 10p. Emile reports that the show was amazing. She really enjoyed it.Since Em was away for the evening, my sister, Cindy, called and asked if I'd like to go see The Blind Side. We went to the cheap theater on Pauline Drive. The tickets are only $4.00 for a show ($2.00 before 6p). The theater was packed. I guess the economy is forcing people to seek out more affordable entertainment venues. Fine with me, I've been doing cheap theaters since the girls could sit on one seat together.What a touching movie. This poor young man... I cried during several scenes. I can't imagine what his life was like before he met his "new" family. What wonderful people they are. I was surprised by the humor in the story as well. The entire theater busted out in laughter numerous time. It was a fantastic show. Well worth seeing.

So we all had fun enjoying uplifting entertainment yesterday. Now back to reality. ☺

And The Answer Is.....

Congestive Heart Failure. So after another trip to the hospital last Saturday (April 3rd... and my third stay since the end of January), we finally know why I keep getting short of breath, feel so tired, and generally feel poorly. While I'm not happy with the diagnosis, and believe it or not, was somewhat surprised by it, I can at least move forward from here. Just for everyone's knowledge, I've posted an overview of what life is beginning to look like for me. I'm feeling fine right now... and I would really like it to stay that way. ☺ I've highlighted everything that pertains to my situation in red so it's easier to figure out what I've been feeling.
Heart failure, also called congestive heart failure, is a condition in which the heart can no longer pump enough blood to the rest of the body.

Common symptoms are:
* Shortness of breath with activity, or after lying down for a while
* Cough
* Swelling of feet and ankles...... (for me this was very minimal)
* Swelling of the abdomen
* Weight gain
* Irregular or rapid pulse..... (all the time)
* Sensation of feeling the heart beat (palpitations).... (feels like butterflies fluttering)
* Difficulty sleeping
* Fatigue, weakness, faintness
* Loss of appetite, indigestion

Other symptoms may include:
* Decreased alertness or concentration
* Decreased urine production
* Nausea and vomiting
* Need to urinate at night

Some patients with heart failure have no symptoms. In these people, the symptoms may develop only with these conditions:

* Abnormal heart rhythm (arrhythmias)
* Anemia
* Hyperthyroidism
* Infections with high fever
* Kidney disease

Treatment

If you have heart failure, your doctor will monitor you closely. You will have follow up appointments at least every 3 to 6 months and tests to check your heart function. For example, an ultrasound of your heart (echocardiogram) will be done once in awhile to see how well your heart pumps blood with each beat.

You will need to carefully monitor yourself and help manage your condition. One important way to do this is to track your weight on a daily basis. Weight gain can be a sign that you are retaining fluid and that your heart failure is worsening. Make sure you weigh yourself at the same time each day and on the same scale, with little to no clothes on.

Other important measures include:
* Take your medications as directed. Carry a list of medications with you wherever you go.
* Limit salt intake.
* Don’t smoke.
* Stay active. For example, walk or ride a stationary bicycle. Your doctor can provide a safe and effective exercise plan based on your degree of heart failure and how well you do on tests that check the strength and function of your heart. DO NOT exercise on days that your weight has gone up from fluid retention or you are not feeling well.
* Lose weight if you are overweight.
* Get enough rest, including after exercise, eating, or other activities. This allows your heart to rest as well. Keep your feet elevated to decrease swelling.

Causes

Heart failure is almost always a chronic, long-term condition, although it can sometimes develop suddenly. The condition may affect the right side, the left side, or both sides of the heart.

* Right-sided heart failure means the right ventricle of the heart loses its pumping function.
* Left-sided heart failure means the heart's ability to pump blood forward from the left side of the heart is decreased. The left side of the heart normally receives blood rich in oxygen from the lungs and pumps it to the remainder of the body.

Heart failure is often classified as either systolic or diastolic.

* Systolic heart failure means that your heart muscle cannot pump, or eject, the blood out of the heart very well.
* Diastolic heart failure means that your heart's pumping chamber does not fill up with blood.

Both of these problems mean the heart is no longer able to pump enough blood out to the rest of your body, especially when you exercise or are active.

As the heart's pumping action is lost, blood may back up in other areas of the body, producing congestion in the lungs, the liver, the gastrointestinal tract, and the arms and legs. As a result, there is a lack of oxygen and nutrition to organs, which damages them and reduces their ability to work properly.

Prognosis

Heart failure is a serious disorder. It is usually a chronic illness, which may get worse with infection or other physical stress.

Many forms of heart failure can be controlled with medication, lifestyle changes, and treatment of any underlying disorder.
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That's it in a nutshell. I'm sure some people out there are going to say.... "what did you expect, you've been overweight your entire life." For those people, may I remind you that while obesity is a contributing factor, it is not the cause. I figured my doctor would rake me over the coals. He didn't. If this were only about weight there wouldn't be any thin people with CHF. I will be working on diet and exercise... and let me just say it now. If I hear any remarks being thrown around, I'll be all over you. Don't judge me until you are willing to walk in my shoes. I won't tolerate destructive energy around me at a time like this. Support... YES. Judgement... NO. Please.

HERE'S TO LIFE!!!!

FUN with Great Aunt Brenda

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of spending some time with my great-nephews,Harrison, Zane, Ewan & Abric. Brie and I had watched them one evening while their parents went grocery shopping. While we were there a trailer for the movie, "Diary of a Whimpy Kid" came on. Harrison was able to tell me all kinds of details about the story. He even ran upstairs, retrieved his book, and began reading sections to me. I was totally impressed! Before the night was over, it was decided that I would take him to see the movie. And that we did. A week or so later I picked Harrison and Zane up and off to the movies we went. It was a cute movie with a great message. The boys enjoyed themselves and I had a chance to get to know them a little better.Following the movie we had pizza then headed to my house to play Beatles Rock Band. Zane gave the drums a try while Harrison took control of he guitar. Em had a turn on the drums too. Brie and I took turns on vocals. It was a blast!

I also spent the Friday evening before Easter (the evening before I went back in the hospital for the third time) making sugar cookies with Alexandra and Isabel. I took all the supplies to their house and before we knew it, we had two large plates of delicious Easter decorated sugar cookie. What fun.

So I'm at the stage of my life where it's beginning to be super fun spending quality time with my great nieces and nephews. When I was a child I remember how much I loved my Great Aunt Grace (my Pappy's sister). She was the best. I always hoped when it was my turn to be a great aunt I'd have a special bond with the little ones. It seems as if that's starting to happen.

I'm so proud of my nieces and nephews and the choices they've made in their lives. The are married to wonderful spouses and are raising good families. They are an example to me each and every day. I'm thankful to have them all in my life.

Iron Jawed Angels

The beginning of the fight for women suffrage is usually traced to the "Declaration of Sentiments" produced at the first woman's rights convention in Seneca Falls, N. Y. in 1848. Four years later, at the Woman's Rights Convention in Syracuse in 1852, Susan B. Anthony joined the fight, arguing that "the right women needed above every other...was the right of suffrage."

During debates on the Reconstruction Amendments which extended the vote to ex-slaves (through the 15th Amendment), suffragists pushed hard for "universal suffrage," but they never had a chance.

In 1872, a suffragists brought a series of court challenges designed to test whether voting was a "privilege" of "U. S. citizenship" now belonging to women by virtue of the recently adopted 14th Amendment. One such challenge grew out of a criminal prosecution of Susan B. Anthony for illegally voting in the 1872 election. The first case to make its way to the Supreme Court, however, was Minor vs Happersett (1875). In Minor, a unanimous Court rejected the argument that either the privileges and immunities clause or the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment extended the vote to women. Following Minor, suffragists turned their attention from the courts to the states and to Congress.

In 1878, a constitutional amendment was proposed that provided "The right of citizens to vote shall not be abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex." This same amendment would be introduced in every session of Congress for the next 41 years.

In July 1890, the Territory of Wyoming, which allowed women to vote, was admitted as a state. Wyoming became the first state with women suffrage. By 1900, Utah, Colorado, and Idaho joined Wyoming in allowing women to vote.

In 1912, Theodore Roosevelt's Progressive (Bull Moose) Party became the first national political party to have a plank supporting women suffrage. The tide was beginning to turn.

In May, 1919, the necessary two-thirds vote in favor of the women suffrage amendment was finally mustered in Congress, and the proposed amendment was sent to the states for ratification. By July 1920, with a number of primarily southern states adamantly opposed to the amendment, it all came down to Tennessee. It appeared that the amendment might fail by one vote in the Tennessee house, but twenty-four-year-old Harry Burns surprised observers by casting the deciding vote for ratification. At the time of his vote, Burns had in his pocket a letter he had received from his mother urging him, "Don't forget to be a good boy" and "vote for suffrage." Women had finally won the vote.

AMENDMENT XIX

Passed by Congress June 4, 1919. Ratified August 18, 1920.

The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.A couple weeks ago, Lesa, Lauren and I spent an afternoon together watching this fantastic movie. I never knew much about the Woman's Suffragist Movement until now. It made me want to learn more. I had a difficult time watching how violently these women were treated. I can't imagine not having the right and privilege to vote. And to think that it's only been 90 years that women have been able to vote. Amazing. This is a must watch for all women. Every mother should sit down with her daughter's and watch it. It's very worth taking the time to do so.