I feel sad tonight. Wow, what a beginning. People think I'm this fun loving, easy go lucky type of person, but I'm not. That's really just an act to a certain extent. I'm not saying I don't try to be upbeat for the most part, but I tend to be a "goof" to hide my real emotions. We all have something we hide behind, right? Please say yes.
Just for the record, I can't pin my sadness down on any one reason... more a combination of things. Life just gets to me some days. When I was younger (like a teenager), I always pictured myself getting married, having lots of children, living in a nice house with a picket fence, and growing old beside the man I loved. Like that happened! Too many bad choices were made.... so many regrets. Oh sure, I wouldn't trade my children for anything, but I do wish things were different for all of us. Perhaps someday my prince will come... then again he may not. Time will tell.
I might also add that I used to feel more sad when the moon was full. Don't laugh... I looked out back at the moon a little while ago, then looked on the web to see what cycle the moon is in. It's a waxing gibbous (96% of full). Maybe that's part of my problem tonight. Or maybe I'm just tired. I can tell you it's not PMS... thank goodness. Ok, enough of this. I'm going to go read for a little while, then I'm going to bed. Sweet dreams.
3 comments:
Brenda,
Tears of a clown??? Hey, ya know, at least you are in touch with your emotions, thats a good thing. As you know, for many, many years, I medicated my pain and sadness, now that I no longer do that, it is God's design that I "feel". Sometimes, I dont like that so much, but I believe every emotion, is God given....yes? Is it possible that the full moon is His way of shining a light on something? (just a thought!) You know I am very much like you in the "tears of a clown" aspect. He made me who I am...clown and all! So embrace your feelings and learn what the still small voice may be trying to tell you! Its very very cool that you are able to be vulnerable about your feelings....this is the first step on the path....Love ya girl!
Jane Leech
btw I have a blog spot now too!
http://bestilljally.blogspot.com/
oops thought I could edit my post to give you this....oh well..Im still learnin!
Hi Jane... Thanks for the message. I appreciate it. It's great to know you're there and know what I'm feeling... as someone who has gone through so many of the same things. Thanks for your love and support... and words of encouragement. Talk to you soon. Brenda
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