A Battle Lost

For those of you who may not have heard, Randy Pausch, author of "The Last Lecture" lost his battle with Pancreatic Cancer. He passed away yesterday, July 25th at the young age of 47.If you didn't get a chance to read the book, do so. It's great! Randy reminds us of how important the journey is... not how long it is. His story is truly inspiring. I'm certain prayers offered on behalf of his wife and children won't hurt... especially at this sad time for them. In spite of everything though, Randy left behind a rich legacy for his children to reflect on and a terrific example of how they should conduct themselves when faced with HUGE challenges. Continue on your "new" journey Randy... this one is complete.

What A Smile

Yesterday was a very important day in Brie's young life. She got braces! She's going to the same Orthodontist that Emile goes to. We've had great luck so why rock the boat!

We arrived at 9AM and the tech went right to work. It took a long time to complete everything.

Two hours later, Brie was finally finished. Doesn't she look just great!

I can assure you that as of the time of this post Brie IS NOT smiling. She's in a lot of pain. It's been a rough day today. Small amounts of VERY soft foods. The insides of her cheeks are all cut up and she's pretty miserable tonight. I feel bad for her but I know it will be worth it in the long run. Hang in there kiddo.....

I LOVE NEW YORK!

Last Saturday the youth from York 2nd Ward went to New York City. The reason for the trip was to go to the Manhattan Temple, then to see some of the sites. They left the church at 5:45AM via Coach Bus. They got home around 10:30 that night. At least 30 youth plus the Bishopric and the YM/YW leaders went and they did baptisms for over 300 people!! Is that great or what?!?!

After everyone was finished at the Temple, they went to FAO Schwartz. Emile thought the store was pretty cool with the exception of the prices. It's definately NOT like shopping at Wal-Mart!

Time Square was a HUGE hit! Emile absolutely LOVED it!! All the action and sites were right up her alley. I suppose it would be fascinating for a 14 year old whose never experienced something like that. Heck it's fascinating for adults, too.

There was a stop at Ground Zero as well. There wasn't much to be seen because of all the construction barriers, however, the fact that they were there was still monumental. It's hard to not remember the horrific events of September 11th when you're standing right there.

So Em's fallen in love with New York. I'm actually thinking it would be fun to go there with the girls myself. I'd love to take in the sites as well. I'm just glad that we have such a great youth program which allows our youth to have some terrific opportunities.

HOT

Current Conditions
Susquehanna Valley, PennsylvaniaCurrently: 88°F Partly Cloudy
Susquehanna Valley, PennsylvaniaCurrently: 31°C Partly Cloudy
Wind: Southwest at 9 MPHHumidity: 53%Dewpoint: 69°FBarometer: 30.03 inches and fallingHeat Index: 92°F
Wind: Southwest at 14 KPHHumidity: 53%Dewpoint: 20°CBarometer: 1017 millibars and fallingHeat Index: 33° CSunrise: 5:51 am Sunset: 8:30 pm
Last updated: 4:00 pm EDT July 18, 2008

Guess what???? It's STINKIN HOT!!!!! Yuck... I hate the heat with a passion. I can think of no redeeming value to heat.. really, it sucks! I'm praying for snow.

TREK

Emile survived Trek! AND... she had a great time. She had tons to tell us about. What a great experience she had. For those of you who may not be familiar with Trek, it's a program where the youth of our church (ages 14-18) reenact the Mormon Pioneer journey to the Salt Lake Valley. Our group left last Thursday.

"Ma and Pa Bushey"

After being assigned a family, the youth began their journey hiking 14 miles the first day! The pushed and pulled handcarts weighing over 1000 pounds. Needless to say they were very sore and tired and looking forward to a delicious meal by the end of the day. They were served..... ready.... chicken broth and biscuits. YUMMY!! Friday morning they had cornmeal mush with biscuits before beginning the next leg of the journey. They only had to cover about 5 miles that day before stopping for a lunch of beef jerky, an orange and a little bit of trail mix, followed by pioneer activities (slaughter of chickens, learning about powder-muzzle guns, fire making, cooking in dutch ovens, making taffy, games, etc.). For dinner that night they had beef stew with homemade rolls (the youth prepared the meal themselves). After dinner there was a hoedown followed by a devotional. Saturday morning began with breaking camp followed by 2 hours of quiet time spent reading letters from mail call, reading scriptures, praying, etc. When the time was up the entire group had a testimony meeting. I'm sure it was pretty spiritual since they had been fasting since the night before. After testimony meeting they headed "home."

When the kids came down off the mountain, there was an eruption of cheers and "atta-boys" as they passed us! You could see some tears being shed... but for the most part there was so much excitement. One can only imagine how excited the pioneers were when they reached the Valley. After taking the handcarts apart, each family was dismissed by their Ma's and Pa's... and returned to us.

The first thing Emile did was run to the waterhose and rinse off. She was so hot and sweaty. Next she got a hug from Lesa.....

AND FINALLY... A HUG FOR MOM!!!!

It was wonderful to finally have Emile back. Her face was so red! You could tell she was really hot, as were all the other "trekkers." There was a big lunch ready for everyone... pulled pork sandwiches, potato and macaroni salads, baked beans, chips, pickles, pies, cakes, cookies, brownies, etc. Of course there were plenty of beverages!

Anya and Morgan enjoying the festivities.

What a great opportunity for our youth. I love the gospel! I love the programs that are designed to teach and strengthen the young people (and us older ones, too). How inspired this great Trek is. Emile accomplished something I'd have a very difficult time doing. She came home appreciating the modern conveniences she has. I know her love for the gospel grew too. That's what it's all about.

Well done Emile. Thanks so much for setting such a great example for Brie. I know she's looking forward to going on trek in 4 years because of you. She's nervous about it... as were you... but she saw how much you loved the experience and will follow in your footsteps. You're a great kid... don't ever forget that.

And The Beat Goes On

Another Monday is almost over. I can soon lay my weary head down and rest. I had to share the good news... Emile came home. There is still plenty to work on... on both our parts, but we will get through it. We will survive this and go forward as a family.

Em went on her first official Baltimore County Police Dept. ride-a-long Saturday night. She had a great time and loved every minute of it. She can't wait to go again. We need to find out if there's an agency here in our area that has the ride-a-long program. The more exposure she can get, the better.

That's it for now. I need sleep.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

In spite of everything going on, today is still a very special day. I LOVE this great nation of ours! I wouldn't want to live anywhere else but here. We are so blessed to have the freedoms we enjoy and it saddens me when I hear people complaining about how bad we have it. Are things always going right? Of course not. Do we sometimes make mistakes? Yes. I still think we're better off here than in any other country I can think of. This is my beloved home.
Our Founding Fathers knew exactly what had to happen in order for us to have the liberties we have now. They were God fearing men. They prayerfully considered all the options and made decisions based on the guidance of a loving Father.The result was the Declaration of Independence. How many of us have took the time to read its words? Do we recognize and appreciate the blessings we have?
AMERICA

God built him a continent of glory and filled it with treasures untold;

He carpeted it with soft-rolling praries and columned it with thundering mountains;

He studded it with sweet-flowing fountains and traced it with long-winding streams;

He planted it with deep-shadowed forests, and filled them with song.

Then he called unto a thousand peoples and summoned the bravest among them.

They came from the ends of the earth, each bearing a gift and a hope.

The glow of adventure was in their eyes, and in their hearts the glory of hope.

And out of the bounty of earth and the labor of men,

Out of the longing of hearts and the prayer of souls,

Out of the memory of ages and hopes of the world,

God fashioned a nation in love, blessed it with

Purpose sublime - and called it AMERICA!

Abba Hillel Silver

I'm Still Here

It's been a very rough week. I'm still spinning as I try to gain traction and figure out how to proceed. I have come to some realizations.
#1. I am STILL Emile's mother.... whether she likes that or not.
#2. I have a legal... but more importantly... a moral obligation to her. She STILL has many things to learn (as do I) before she's ready to be "set free."
#3. In 98% of the situations which have come up with Emile, I have given in... or given up. I have allowed Emile to gain way too much "power" without knowing what the true consequences of her actions are.
#4. I have lost control of my emotions and lashed out at Emile when I feel my back is against the wall. I have allowed myself to act like the child instead of the parent.
#5. I DO NOT BELIEVE IT'S TOO LATE TO HAVE A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH EMILE! I do, however, know there are many very tough days ahead. Emile is NOT going to like me for many days to come. I do know that this is NOT my time to be liked by my child.

I saw Emile at church the other evening. She didn't speak to me.... in fact she left the room. Ok, I get it... it's hard to be in the same space with someone you really don't like at the moment. It hurt but I understand. I spoke to her on the phone yesterday; it didn't go well at all. The total anger in her voice was hard to mistake. The few days apart seems (at least in my opinion) to have only made the situation worse. It's almost as if her heart has hardened more the longer she's been away. Again, I guess that's to be expected.

It's onward and upward from here. I have my work cut out for me. Bottom line... more important than anything else is.... I LOVE THIS CHILD OF MINE! I came across a quote earlier that said "If you always expect the worst you will never be disappointed." I imagine that's why all this is so painful. I expect Emile to soar in life. I tuly believe the sky is the limit for her... even if she can't see it so clearly right now. I know she's capable of great things in spite of all the challenges she's had. That which does not kill you makes you strong.

We both have some growing to do.

She's Gone

Emile is gone. She left Monday evening after we had another argument about Zach. I thought she wasn't seeing him anymore (after some really ugly text messages she had received from him). I thought she finally saw how unhealthy this "relationship" was. I find out Monday (from the neighbors) that she's still seeing him. I felt like a fool! But what's new about that. According to the doctors, some friends, and of course Emile herself, the problem is mine, not hers. I'm supposed to just let her do whatever she wants..... she should just be allowed to learn from her mistakes. Wow, that's a pretty hard concept for me. How do I allow my 14 year old to do whatever, whenever? I don't know how to do that.... nor do I think I should. Obviously what I've done to this point hasn't worked though. All seems in vain.

So she's with a friend for now. Of course that's not a long term answer. Sometime this week she's supposed to go to the shore with another friend... then she comes back and the next day goes on "Trek" with the youth from church. I guess I won't see her until at least next Saturday (the 12th). I have no idea what to do after that. I've called and checked on her each day and she seems to be doing just fine, unlike me. I'm dying inside. All I do is cry. I go from angry to hurt.... from resolute to not knowing what to do. This really sucks!!! How could the child I worked so hard to give birth to despise me so much now? I know I've made mistakes. I know she's had a lot of responsibility put on her. I have, however, tried to give her all the opportunities I could so that she'd have a well rounded childhood (Girl Scouts, theatre, church, marching band, after school activities, etc). Where have I gone wrong? Will she make it through this with minimal "injuries" or will she end up in a truly destructive place? I know what that place is like. I don't want her there.

Am I that terrible of a mom? I hate knowing that Emile is this unhappy... and that it's because of me (at least that's how she feels). She told me that I'm the one that makes her unhappy... I'm the one that has a problem with her... I'm the one who doesn't like her. I feel like a monster... like the ugliest person on the face of the earth.

Oh how I hurt.

Wedding Days

Yesterday Brie, along with 4 of her classmates had the honor of singing in the wedding of her elementary music teacher, Miss Fitzgerald. The wedding was held at Ski Roundtop and was lovely. Miss Fitzgerald had a String Quartet, a Bagpipe, a soloist, and her group of students perform musical numbers. I suppose as a music teacher you would expect that much music, right?The girls actually sang two songs... both sounded really nice, and during the second song they also did sign language. All 5 of them were so excited to do this for their beloved teacher. She inspired them in so many ways!

Mr & Mrs Scarlato!!! Don't they look so cute!

And my little beauty. Before I know it, she'll be heading down the isle (or should I say kneeling across the altar) being sealed to a wonderful man.

Time

Last evening Brie and I watched Bicentennial Man together. I don't remember seeing it when it was in theaters so I thought it would be fun to watch it with her. What a great movie! It was amusing while at the same time very thought provoking. At the end I cried (but then I cry at everything). I wasn't just crying because of the ending, but something much more profound and painful. I just held Brie and sobbed. My time is running out........


When I was a child everything looked so big. Colors were vivid. People were so tall. It took FOREVER to reach your destination. As an adult I was stunned to realize how much everything had changed. I know that seems silly, but it's true nonetheless. One of the hardest to experience was seeing my grandparent's home. I had such happy memories of being there. When I returned a few years ago it was truly sad to see it. The house was so tiny. The driveway (which had been so long in my memory) was very short. Everything was different and distressing at the same time. What had happened?


Another weird phenomenon occurs. Streets get shorter. I wanted to show the girls where Pappy and I had gone to the dairy to get milk. We drove down the Quarry Road... past the houses my mom and uncles had lived in when they were younger (with their spouses and children), past the quarry, and over the little stone bridge (where we played in the creek). I knew we still had a ways to go before I was at the end of the road. Or so I thought. Before I knew it (like a few seconds) I was at the stop sign. When had they shortened the road? I really thought that had happened. It wasn't until I made the left turn that I realized everything was still they way it had been when I was a child... only much smaller... again! What had been a "long trip" as a child was actually only a few minutes. By the way, the dairy is gone. The only way I realized where it had been was by the bend in the road and the old paved parking lot on the hill. I could still smell it in my mind though. Kind of sad.

So I really got to thinking about all of this. Here I am at 44... not "old" by any means, but certainly "half way" through life. What have I done? How much time do I have remaining? Will I be here tomorrow.... or 50 years from now? Of course no one knows. When I considered leaving my children, I was overcome with a deep sadness . I know I struggle with them at times, however, they're still the reason for my getting up in the morning. I love them with all my heart. I felt such profound sorrow at the thought of not being able to see them living their lives... of being with them forever. Yes, I know about eternal life... what I mean is being with them here in mortality. If they passed before me, I'd be fine going with them to the other side of the veil. I cried my eyes out.

Am I selfish for wanting to stay here forever? Actually I don't really want that. I just want to be with my family and loved ones. I don't want to miss a second of their lives. I know I will have to say goodbye at some point but at the same time I know it's only for a marked period of time. I can't imagine not knowing I'll see them again. How do people survive without the knowledge of life after death? I'm pretty sure I've used up half of my time.... Have I made a difference? Have I contributed to humanity? Have I done something "of good note or praiseworthy?" Will my descendants have a good example to follow? I hope so.

All this from a movie!

Drew

 

There's nothing better in life than holding a newborn. Here I am holding precious little Drew. It's so much fun to be a "proxy aunt" again. Life was pretty sweet right at that moment!

Girls Camp 08'

 

Here are some of the highlights from Emile's trip to Girls Camp this year. She went up with Lesa on Monday. The weather was absolutely wonderful... super mild temps with VERY low humidity. That's a first for her. The theme this year was Hero's of the Scriptures. Tibbs portrayed Moroni. Doesn't he look just him!?! The girls had a great time hiking, eating, pulling pranks, and of course Stake Night. They all love it when the Stake and Ward leaders come up with all their treats. From what I hear Testimony Meeting was fantastic. Isn't always when you're at camp? Emile was stunned that there were no severe storms this year. That's a first for her... usually they get at least one... last year there were two during the week. It was good for her to go.. to be with other Young Women.. to get closer to her Heavenly Father.. Girls Camp is the best.!!

Give Me a Break

I'm so tired of how bad society is getting. I know it's a sign of the times. I know I should be expecting more and more sin and weirdness to happen, however, this one takes the cake in my mind. It's the "Pregnant Man."
I totally don't understand why this "guy" is getting the praise and adoration "He" (SHE) is. "He" is a SHE for the love of Pete. "He" doesn't have male reproductive organs, SHE does. "He" doesn't have female chromosomes, SHE does. Without hormone treatments and surgery to remove "His" breasts, "He" would still look like the female SHE was born as. "His" wife had to use a turkey baster type device to artifically impregnate her "husband." What gives?????

Allow me to show you an example of what a truly "pregnant" man looks like. Actually it's Fetus in Fetu, but in this world who really cares what it is, right?.This is a real MAN. HE does have all HIS male parts. This is not a fake photo. "Sanju Bhagat’s said he felt self-conscious about his pregnant belly. OK, kind of pregnant belly since he’s a man:

But while operating on Bhagat, Mehta saw something he had never encountered. As he cut deeper into Bhagat’s stomach, gallons of fluid spilled out — and then something extraordinary happened.

"To my surprise and horror, I could shake hands with somebody inside," he said. "It was a bit shocking for me." …

"He just put his hand inside and he said there are a lot of bones inside," she said. "First, one limb came out, then another limb came out. Then some part of genitalia, then some part of hair, some limbs, jaws, limbs, hair." …

At first glance, it may look as if Bhagat had given birth. Actually, Mehta had removed the mutated body of Bhagat’s twin brother from his stomach. Bhagat, they discovered, had one of the world’s most bizarre medical conditions — fetus in fetu. It is an extremely rare abnormality that occurs when a fetus gets trapped inside its twin. The trapped fetus can survive as a parasite even past birth by forming an umbilical cordlike structure that leaches its twin’s blood supply until it grows so large that it starts to harm the host, at which point doctors usually intervene."

So here we see the only possibility of a male "pregnancy." God didn't intend for His precious children to come to earth in a male body. As women, we are blessed with this awesome priviledge. Regardless of how difficult our pregnancies may be, we are still willing to go through it again to bring spirits into mortality. It's always a miracle to me how amazing pregnancy and birth truly is. To have this sacred gift defiled in this manner is irritating to me. Shame on society for embracing this "man" and "his" decision to have a child. The only one left to feel compassion for is the precious child who will soon be born to this confused and selfish person. Shame on you!

My Favorite Things

Rain drops on roses... whiskers on kittens....

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS............

I love snowflakes... It's magical to watch them floating down from the sky. It's wonderful enjoying how clean and quiet it is when it snows, especially at night.

What would winter be if it didn't follow a spectacular fall? After a hot summer I savor the sights and scents of autumn.

The older I get the more I'm driven to record the events of my life... and the lives of those I hold dear to my heart. Someday soon I will be a memory. What I do today will result in how much is known about me in the years to come.

I retreat to cottage gardens. There is a simple beauty found there. God is good!

Sweet german chocolate cake. It's been my favorite as far back as I can remember. What a special treat.

Soft and tender baby feet. I miss my babies feeties... they're gone too fast.

Anything that can be done with my hands will be tried. I have felt much pleasure in making items that are uniquely made with my own skill and love.

Of course I adore Christmas. It's the time of year when we remember the greatest gift of all... our Savior's birth. It's a time when we take the time to enjoy family and friends. When we try for a little while to be just a bit kinder.