#1. I am STILL Emile's mother.... whether she likes that or not.#2. I have a legal... but more importantly... a moral obligation to her. She STILL has many things to learn (as do I) before she's ready to be "set free."
#3. In 98% of the situations which have come up with Emile, I have given in... or given up. I have allowed Emile to gain way too much "power" without knowing what the true consequences of her actions are.
#4. I have lost control of my emotions and lashed out at Emile when I feel my back is against the wall. I have allowed myself to act like the child instead of the parent.
#5. I DO NOT BELIEVE IT'S TOO LATE TO HAVE A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH EMILE! I do, however, know there are many very tough days ahead. Emile is NOT going to like me for many days to come. I do know that this is NOT my time to be liked by my child.
I saw Emile at church the other evening. She didn't speak to me.... in fact she left the room. Ok, I get it... it's hard to be in the same space with someone you really don't like at the moment. It hurt but I understand. I spoke to her on the phone yesterday; it didn't go well at all. The total anger in her voice was hard to mistake. The few days apart seems (at least in my opinion) to have only made the situation worse. It's almost as if her heart has hardened more the longer she's been away. Again, I guess that's to be expected. 
It's onward and upward from here. I have my work cut out for me. Bottom line... more important than anything else is.... I LOVE THIS CHILD OF MINE! I came across a quote earlier that said "If you always expect the worst you will never be disappointed." I imagine that's why all this is so painful. I expect Emile to soar in life. I tuly believe the sky is the limit for her... even if she can't see it so clearly right now. I know she's capable of great things in spite of all the challenges she's had. That which does not kill you makes you strong.
We both have some growing to do.
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