Another Sad Goodbye

This morning I received the news that a friend of mine passed away. To say I was shocked and deeply saddened by the news would be a gross understatement. I was stunned. Brian was a former neighbor of mine. He was incredibly gifted when it came to growing plants... inside and outside. If he touched it, it grew. Brian also enjoyed going to auctions. His house was furnished with antiques he had bought at various auctions. He loved sharing his hobbies and interests with others.

A year or so ago, I saw Brian and noticed he had lost a lot of weight. He was jaundiced and told me he had been quite sick. The illness had caused extensive liver damage and he was on a waiting list for a new one. The last time I saw him I didn't even recognize him. He was so thin, and even though the jaundice wasn't as apparent, you could tell he was getting worse. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. That was the last time I saw him... or spoke to him.

Here is the part that has me the most upset. I promised Brian that I would stop in to visit with him. I never did. I thought of him more times than I care to admit, but I kept putting off going to see him. I used one excuse after another... I have been so busy that I kept telling myself that I'd get around to seeing Brian another day. Unfortunately, that day will never come. I blew it. I broke my promise to a kind, sweet, and giving, man. There wasn't anything he wouldn't have done for a person. The world had lost another "keeper."

As 2013 comes to a close, I am making a resolution for the new year. I will absolutely take the time to do more of the "important" things in life. I will cherish people more. And it goes without saying that I will do everything in my power to keep the promises I make. I remember in my patriarchal blessing there was the admonition to "promise cautiously and perform courageously." I seem to have forgotten that. I truly hope I don't ever forget it again.

YORK Brian Joseph Yohe, 47, died on Monday, December 30, 2013, at Hospice & Community Care in Mt. Joy. A celebration of life tribute service will be held at 10 a.m. on Friday, January 3, 2014 at Heffner Funeral Chapel & Crematory, Inc., 1551 Kenneth Road, York, with his pastor, the Rev. Paul CB Schenk officiating. Viewings will be from 5 to 8 p.m. on Thursday and 9 to10 a.m. on Friday, both at the funeral home. Born on November 15, 1966 in Hanover, he was a son of Robert D. and JoAnn L. (Meckley) Yohe. Brian was a 1985 graduate of Spring Grove High School. He worked for many years at the Children's Developmental Center in Abbottstown and later worked at Osram Sylvania, Inc. for over 10 years. Mr. Yohe was a member of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Spring Grove. Brian loved to travel and take road trips. He also enjoyed horticulture, flowers, playing bingo and everything about Christmas, especially collecting vintage Christmas balls. Mr. Yohe is survived by one brother, Travis Michael Yohe and his wife, Stacey of Spring Grove; two sisters, Wendy M. Harbaugh of East Berlin and Tanya A. Yohe of York; and four nieces and nephews, Maddie and Adam Harbaugh and Alijah and Trevor Yohe. Memorial contributions may be made to Hospice and Community Care, 4075 Old Harrisburg Pike, Mount Joy, PA 17552; or the York County Community Foundation, 14 W. Market St., York, PA 17401; or at YCCF.org in Brian's memory. Send Condolences at BestLifeTributes.com - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/york/obituary.aspx?n=brian-joseph-yohe&pid=168833608&fhid=28191#sthash.WLAiXQW3.dpuf

YORK Brian Joseph Yohe, 47, died on Monday, December 30, 2013, at Hospice & Community Care in Mt. Joy. A celebration of life tribute service will be held at 10 a.m. on Friday, January 3, 2014 at Heffner Funeral Chapel & Crematory, Inc., 1551 Kenneth Road, York, with his pastor, the Rev. Paul CB Schenk officiating. Viewings will be from 5 to 8 p.m. on Thursday and 9 to10 a.m. on Friday, both at the funeral home. Born on November 15, 1966 in Hanover, he was a son of Robert D. and JoAnn L. (Meckley) Yohe. Brian was a 1985 graduate of Spring Grove High School. He worked for many years at the Children's Developmental Center in Abbottstown and later worked at Osram Sylvania, Inc. for over 10 years. Mr. Yohe was a member of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Spring Grove. Brian loved to travel and take road trips. He also enjoyed horticulture, flowers, playing bingo and everything about Christmas, especially collecting vintage Christmas balls. Mr. Yohe is survived by one brother, Travis Michael Yohe and his wife, Stacey of Spring Grove; two sisters, Wendy M. Harbaugh of East Berlin and Tanya A. Yohe of York; and four nieces and nephews, Maddie and Adam Harbaugh and Alijah and Trevor Yohe. Memorial contributions may be made to Hospice and Community Care, 4075 Old Harrisburg Pike, Mount Joy, PA 17552; or the York County Community Foundation, 14 W. Market St., York, PA 17401; or at YCCF.org in Brian's memory. Send Condolences at BestLifeTributes.com

Published in York Daily Record & York Dispatch on Dec. 31, 2013

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YORK Brian Joseph Yohe, 47, died on Monday, December 30, 2013, at Hospice & Community Care in Mt. Joy. A celebration of life tribute service will be held at 10 a.m. on Friday, January 3, 2014 at Heffner Funeral Chapel & Crematory, Inc., 1551 Kenneth Road, York, with his pastor, the Rev. Paul CB Schenk officiating. Viewings will be from 5 to 8 p.m. on Thursday and 9 to10 a.m. on Friday, both at the funeral home. Born on November 15, 1966 in Hanover, he was a son of Robert D. and JoAnn L. (Meckley) Yohe. Brian was a 1985 graduate of Spring Grove High School. He worked for many years at the Children's Developmental Center in Abbottstown and later worked at Osram Sylvania, Inc. for over 10 years. Mr. Yohe was a member of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Spring Grove. Brian loved to travel and take road trips. He also enjoyed horticulture, flowers, playing bingo and everything about Christmas, especially collecting vintage Christmas balls. Mr. Yohe is survived by one brother, Travis Michael Yohe and his wife, Stacey of Spring Grove; two sisters, Wendy M. Harbaugh of East Berlin and Tanya A. Yohe of York; and four nieces and nephews, Maddie and Adam Harbaugh and Alijah and Trevor Yohe. Memorial contributions may be made to Hospice and Community Care, 4075 Old Harrisburg Pike, Mount Joy, PA 17552; or the York County Community Foundation, 14 W. Market St., York, PA 17401; or at YCCF.org in Brian's memory. Send Condolences at BestLifeTributes.com

Published in York Daily Record & York Dispatch on Dec. 31, 2013

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YORK Brian Joseph Yohe, 47, died on Monday, December 30, 2013, at Hospice & Community Care in Mt. Joy. A celebration of life tribute service will be held at 10 a.m. on Friday, January 3, 2014 at Heffner Funeral Chapel & Crematory, Inc., 1551 Kenneth Road, York, with his pastor, the Rev. Paul CB Schenk officiating. Viewings will be from 5 to 8 p.m. on Thursday and 9 to10 a.m. on Friday, both at the funeral home. Born on November 15, 1966 in Hanover, he was a son of Robert D. and JoAnn L. (Meckley) Yohe. Brian was a 1985 graduate of Spring Grove High School. He worked for many years at the Children's Developmental Center in Abbottstown and later worked at Osram Sylvania, Inc. for over 10 years. Mr. Yohe was a member of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Spring Grove. Brian loved to travel and take road trips. He also enjoyed horticulture, flowers, playing bingo and everything about Christmas, especially collecting vintage Christmas balls. Mr. Yohe is survived by one brother, Travis Michael Yohe and his wife, Stacey of Spring Grove; two sisters, Wendy M. Harbaugh of East Berlin and Tanya A. Yohe of York; and four nieces and nephews, Maddie and Adam Harbaugh and Alijah and Trevor Yohe. Memorial contributions may be made to Hospice and Community Care, 4075 Old Harrisburg Pike, Mount Joy, PA 17552; or the York County Community Foundation, 14 W. Market St., York, PA 17401; or at YCCF.org in Brian's memory. Send Condolences at BestLifeTributes.com

Published in York Daily Record & York Dispatch on Dec. 31, 2013

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YORK Brian Joseph Yohe, 47, died on Monday, December 30, 2013, at Hospice & Community Care in Mt. Joy. A celebration of life tribute service will be held at 10 a.m. on Friday, January 3, 2014 at Heffner Funeral Chapel & Crematory, Inc., 1551 Kenneth Road, York, with his pastor, the Rev. Paul CB Schenk officiating. Viewings will be from 5 to 8 p.m. on Thursday and 9 to10 a.m. on Friday, both at the funeral home. Born on November 15, 1966 in Hanover, he was a son of Robert D. and JoAnn L. (Meckley) Yohe. Brian was a 1985 graduate of Spring Grove High School. He worked for many years at the Children's Developmental Center in Abbottstown and later worked at Osram Sylvania, Inc. for over 10 years. Mr. Yohe was a member of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Spring Grove. Brian loved to travel and take road trips. He also enjoyed horticulture, flowers, playing bingo and everything about Christmas, especially collecting vintage Christmas balls. Mr. Yohe is survived by one brother, Travis Michael Yohe and his wife, Stacey of Spring Grove; two sisters, Wendy M. Harbaugh of East Berlin and Tanya A. Yohe of York; and four nieces and nephews, Maddie and Adam Harbaugh and Alijah and Trevor Yohe. Memorial contributions may be made to Hospice and Community Care, 4075 Old Harrisburg Pike, Mount Joy, PA 17552; or the York County Community Foundation, 14 W. Market St., York, PA 17401; or at YCCF.org in Brian's memory. Send Condolences at BestLifeTributes.com

Published in York Daily Record & York Dispatch on Dec. 31, 2013

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YORK Brian Joseph Yohe, 47, died on Monday, December 30, 2013, at Hospice & Community Care in Mt. Joy. A celebration of life tribute service will be held at 10 a.m. on Friday, January 3, 2014 at Heffner Funeral Chapel & Crematory, Inc., 1551 Kenneth Road, York, with his pastor, the Rev. Paul CB Schenk officiating. Viewings will be from 5 to 8 p.m. on Thursday and 9 to10 a.m. on Friday, both at the funeral home. Born on November 15, 1966 in Hanover, he was a son of Robert D. and JoAnn L. (Meckley) Yohe. Brian was a 1985 graduate of Spring Grove High School. He worked for many years at the Children's Developmental Center in Abbottstown and later worked at Osram Sylvania, Inc. for over 10 years. Mr. Yohe was a member of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Spring Grove. Brian loved to travel and take road trips. He also enjoyed horticulture, flowers, playing bingo and everything about Christmas, especially collecting vintage Christmas balls. Mr. Yohe is survived by one brother, Travis Michael Yohe and his wife, Stacey of Spring Grove; two sisters, Wendy M. Harbaugh of East Berlin and Tanya A. Yohe of York; and four nieces and nephews, Maddie and Adam Harbaugh and Alijah and Trevor Yohe. Memorial contributions may be made to Hospice and Community Care, 4075 Old Harrisburg Pike, Mount Joy, PA 17552; or the York County Community Foundation, 14 W. Market St., York, PA 17401; or at YCCF.org in Brian's memory. Send Condolences at BestLifeTributes.com

Published in York Daily Record & York Dispatch on Dec. 31, 2013

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Good Grief!!!

I was looking at my blog a few days ago... and once again I was feeling guilty. After doing so well with my blogging, I seem to have had nearly two years of super bad entries. I'm not sure why that is the case, with the exception of how extremely busy my life has become. And frankly there are some painful events that have happened in the last year and a half that I'd much rather forget. I suppose that's more of the reason than perhaps any other. Some days it's easier to "pretend" that life is moving along as happy as can be, when the reality is much different. That said, I will say that I'm still in a very uncertain stage of my life.

In addition to some of the personal demons I'm facing, I'm also deeply troubled by the state of the world I find myself living in. Whether it is the political strife in our nation, the state of the economy, the rising crime in my own neighborhood, or the general feeling of a looming crisis, I'm finding it more and more difficult to put on my "happy face." Surely I'm not the only person feeling this. At least I hope that's not the case.

All that said, I am still grateful for all the amazing blessings I have in my life. I have gainful employment, my home, food on the table, and two incredibly wonderful daughters. And even though some of the relationships have changed, I know there are people out there who care about me. So, with that knowledge, why do I find myself feeling the way I do? There are some obvious answers... which for now I cannot address. But there is also something more... something deeper that I am struggling with. Life certainly isn't easy, is it?

I feel like I'm rambling... and perhaps I am. It's just an example of the disconnect and turmoil I feel. For now it is all that I am willing to share. Maybe more will be shared at another point. Maybe not. I truly don't know. I do know that I am struggling.... Of that I am sure.

Say What?

I have spent the past two years working with a student who has special needs. To say that it has been a roller coaster would be an understatement. There have been incredible "highs," and disappointing "lows." While I have witnessed some truly wonderful growth, my work is not yet done. Not by a long shot. I will say that I am NOT necessarily referring to the growth of my student. We both have grown... in ways I questioned being possible in the beginning. I would like to share one area of growth today.

com·mu·ni·ca·tion  (k-myn-kshn)n.

1. The act of communicating; transmission.

2. a. The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or     behavior.

    b. Interpersonal rapport.

I think it would be easy to conclude that we all take communication for granted. Think back to when your children were just beginning to say their first few words. Thrilling, wasn't it?! Who doesn't marvel at the process of learning how to speak and communicate. But "speaking" is just one form of communicating. Which brings me to the growth my student and I have accomplished... together. 

Could you imagine... just for a moment, not being able to speak? Your thoughts are inside your head... you know exactly what it is you're trying to share. Only problem is, your brain and speech center (and physical ability to form speech) aren't working together. You cannot speak. Ok, no problem.... you can write something down, or make hand gestures. Nope. You are not physically able to do that either. You are essentially trapped inside your head. Do you think you'd find that incredibly frustrating? I know I would. And that, my friends, is exactly what I was walking into when I began working with this particular student. 

Enter modern technology!!

This is the Maestro. This is my student's voice. This little piece of equipment is making communication capable. How cool is that?!!! 

So, in the past two years, this is what has been accomplished. First of all, I am known as the "Sergeant" by those who I have had the privilege of working with. I am determined and driven to give the people I work with the best chance they could possibly have. I have done the exact same thing with this student. I will not back down. I push, push, and then push some more. I do not accept excuses or frustration as a reason to give up. In fact, I tend to push even harder at moments like these. My student is beginning to have amazing results with the new communication device. We are now getting "conversations" lasting for extended periods of time (5 to 10 minutes), with multiple full sentences being generated. This is a HUGE accomplishment. In addition, we're also working on social skills (hello, how are you?, my name is..., excuse me, please, thank you, Miss "so-in-so, etc.), etiquette, and interpersonal relationships. Without the ability to communicate effectively, these skills were lacking. 

Being the meany that I am,

I won't acknowledge my student unless I am identified (Ms. Oxford), and then the conversation is initiated. I no longer respond the the horn on the wheelchair being honked. Not to say that I don't hear that a lot. I do. I just choose to ignore it. Then I sometimes hear a good deal of fussing and even some full out temper tantrums.... but that's ok. I can manage. 

Here are some highlights...

"Pac-Man is awesome."

"Miss Brenda, will you fix the mouse, please?"

"Today is Friday."

"Why do I have to take a shower?"

And... my personal favorite....

"When are you going to leave?"

So... YEPPERS, I'll take this as a success!! Wouldn't you? You have to take the little victories as they come. And they do come. I have many years ahead of me with this student. I can't help my wonder what the next two years... and beyond, will bring. To be continued.....

Reading, Writing, and TEST, TEST, TEST!

When you think of spring, what comes to mind? An end of a long, cold winter?  Blooming flowers? Easter? Getting outside for walks in the park? Spring makes one feel anew again, doesn't it? At the same time, for educators, spring equals added stress for a period of two weeks. Why, you ask?

 It's PSSA time! One word could be used to sum up the PSSA. That word??? YUCK.

Nearly a decade and a half ago, the Bush Administration passed a law called "No Child Left Behind." The premise of the law was that each and every child would have access to a quality education. No barriers would be permitted, nor would children be "shoved through" the system. Since the law was passed, each state has adopted a standard assessment (test) to administer to students in certain grade levels. Here in Pennsylvania the test is known as the Pennsylvania System of School Assessment.

First and foremost, as a parent, I agree with the premise of "No Child Left Behind." Every child should have access to a quality education. What I don't agree with, however, is what has happened in our educational system over the course of the last decade. In my opinion, instead of teaching our children skills which will help them navigate through life, we are now teaching children how to take (and hopefully pass) tests. Nothing more. In addition to being a parent, I also work in the public education arena. I see what is going on in the schools. It is maddening. While I've been opposed to PSSA "standard" testing for years, I'm even more opposed to it now. I feel the PSSA is designed in such a way that our children are "set up" to fail. Note the wordage in the PSSA title. School Assessment. We are making children jump though hoops to assess the school's performance.

This cartoon pretty much spells it out. There are two, polar opposite, types of tests which can be administered. One, the PASA, is designed for students with the most significant cognitive disabilities. The other, the PSSA is designed for ALL other students, regardless of where they "fit" on the learning scale. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, if the student doesn't qualify for PASA testing, too bad. You're stuck with the other test. No exceptions. No modifications. No support or help for a struggling student. It's completely insane. There is NO WAY some students can be fairly "assessed" with the testing as it is now. I despise what I know is coming. 

A few years back when Brie was in elementary school, she became seriously ill during PSSA testing. She was sent home sick from school on the first day of testing. I took her to the doctor and we found out that she had pneumonia. She spent the entire week in bed. I cannot tell you how many times I got calls from the school about how to get Brie tested. I was told that she could be "isolated from the rest of the students" so she could test. I was told she could come in before or after school to test. I was beyond furious. After explaining to the staff that even if Brie did come in (which I wasn't willing to do), she wasn't well enough to produce quality work because of being so sick. DUH!!!! When all was said and done, I agreed to have the principal come to our home on a Sunday afternoon to administer the test. Crazy, right? All these years later, I'm still irritated with myself for permitting that to happen. I had every legal right to "Opt Out" of testing. Instead of doing so, I caved. Why did the school want Brie to test so badly? Because of how high her scores would be. As an exceptional student, her advanced scores (which she achieved) brought the results up. Basically they need "strong" students to balance the scales for the "weak" students. Again, an example of how messed up the assessment is.

I am now at the point where, if I were the parent of younger children, I'd tell the schools and state to take a flying leap. I am 100%  opposed to these assessments. They prove nothing. They are a waste of resources and money. As inadequate as public education is becoming, I would encourage my children to find alternative educational choices for their future children. Instead of "No Child Left Behind" supporting children, it has become a case of EVERY Child Left Behind.

Ladies Weekend Getaway 2013

Ok, better late than never. I don't want to hear any grief from anyone about how late I'm posting this.

In January, a group of colleagues from New Salem went on a weekend shopping getaway to Rehoboth Beach. I had the pleasure of going along for the first time. I'm SO glad I did. I had a blast!!!  We met in the school parking lot early Saturday the 26th. After getting situated in vehicles, we were on our way. Three and a half hours later we arrived. Karla, a fourth grade teacher, has a lovely little beach trailer that we stayed at. It was just perfect. We unpacked the cars and immediately headed to the the outlets to get started on our shopping. 

I had set out with the intention of finding a few very specific items. I was looking for a pair of navy blue shoes, a pair of grey shoes, and a wooden, magnetized knife holder (to hang on the wall). Other than that, I didn't have anything much in mind. If I found something, great. If not, that was fine too. I ended up finding what I was searching for, and much more!!! I ended up with some great buys in the process. Yay for me!
 ,
Following a day of shopping, the five of us went to dinner. We chose Stoney Lonen, a quaint little restaurant a couple blocks from the beach.

Yummo! That pretty much sums up the food. I had shrimp, shrimp, and a little more shrimp. It was delicious. It goes without saying that I had enough food left over that when I got back to York, Brie was able to have some, and I had it one more time. Four meals for $25.00.... not to shabby.

After dinner, we returned to the trailer and the five of us sat around with our "finds." It was just like Christmas morning. Everyone took turns showing the other what we had purchased. How cool is that?! After that we talked for a few minutes before pure exhaustion set in. I headed to my room and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

For breakfast, we headed to The Point. Again, what yummy food. In addition the eating area (which is very small), there is also a bakery. Who can resist? Not me.....

I ended up buying a loaf of whole grain, sunflower bread, a pecan roll, and a pound of Biscotti. I didn't eat all of it.... most of it was shared with friends and family.

Following breakfast, we headed to the beach... just so we could see the ocean. It was spectacular.

I never cease to be amazed by how "big" the ocean is. Even though it was so cold and windy, it was still worth going out for a few minutes. I can honestly say that until this trip, I had never seen snow at the beach. Pretty neat. Everything was so crisp....

After hitting a few more shops, it was time to head home. On the way out of town we stopped at Grotto Pizza to pick up some frozen pizzas. The ladies kept telling me how delicious they are, so I tried a slice. Yep, they're right. They are fantastic. If you're going to eat pizza, you ma as well have th best.Next time I go to Rehoboth, I'll be sure to pick up a few for the freezer!

We arrived back at school, safe and sound, at 5pm. I retrieved my items and headed to the house. After showing everything to Brie, it was time to drag my butt to bed. I had "lived it up" and was really feeling it. The entire weekend was so much fun. Thanks, Karla, Lisa, Betsy, and Kelly!! I can't wait to do it again next year.

Uh, Oh!

I was talking with a friend the other day about childhood memories, particularly summer memories. A few years back I blogged about my "road trip" on a big wheel. It turned out I was traveling on an active highway construction site. Obviously, I still remember that experience very well. I also vividly remember the feeling of wet pants... because I'm pretty sure I peed in them. That said, I decided to share another summer memory. It wasn't funny at the time, but it sure is now.

As children, my brother and I spent the majority of our days playing outdoors. With the exception of lunch, supper, and when we needed to go to the bathroom, it would be safe to say that we were outside until it got dark. It was the same with the majority of the rest of the neighborhood children. We all played together.... and probably got in trouble together as well. It was the generation I grew up in. We didn't find this unusual at all. As an adult, however, I do know that it is unusual to be locked out of your house all day. Which brings me to the  

It was a warm summer day. My brother, Tony, and I, had been playing outside all morning. It was getting close to lunch and both of us were getting hungry. I decided it was time to go inside and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for us. No biggie, right? Wrongo!!! I went to the back door, it was locked. Hmmm.... What to do? I know, check the front door. Bingo! I was in. I went to the kitchen and collected all the necessary ingredients to make the sandwiches. I was a little over halfway finished when I heard a sound from the hallway. Being the naturally curious child I was, I went to see what was going on. Uh, oh!! I got an eyeful of what I wasn't supposed to see. My bad.

You can now insert the word you find most fitting. ... My step-dad was __________ (buck naked, in his birthday suit, nude, naked as a jaybird, doing the full Monty, going commando, etc.). You get the idea. Let me quickly mention that he was also VERY excited! Enough said. You get the idea. Using the phrase of your choice, you can complete the next sentence as well. ... He turned and saw me and got__________ (mad, ticked, irate, furious, etc.). Again, you get the idea.

I knew exactly what I must do and jumped into action. I quickly went back to the kitchen, finished making the last sandwich, cleaned up my mess (yes, I put everything away AND wiped down the counter), and exited the house. As I ran down the porch stairs, I grabbed Tony's arm and started dragging him across the street. We lived in a mobile home park at the time. Across the street was an empty lot that had a temporary set of steps sitting on a concrete slab. They looked a lot like the ones below, with the exception that they were filled in on the front and sides (so it was private).

I shoved Tony in the opening in the back, and promptly climbed in after him. I quietly explained what had happened and told him not to make a sound. A few seconds later we watched Mom come out the back door and call our names. Needless to say, we didn't answer. We just sat there, eating our sandwiches, while we watched her through the cracks in the 2x4's. After looking around a little, and calling out our names a couple more times, Mom turned and went back inside. Whew! That was a close one.

So, what ended up happening? Not much. Tony and I stayed hunkered down a few more minutes before climbing out and returning to our normal activities. When it was time to go in for supper, we did so. Nothing was said about the incident at all. There were a few questioning glances my direction, but neither Mom nor Mac uttered a word about it.

Is there a moral to this story? Nah,..... not really. Well maybe I should throw out one suggestion. If you're going to run around "excited" in the middle of a summer day, you may want to check and double check if the doors are locked. That's about it. All's well that ends well.

Fear of Failure

Here I am, over a year and a half out from my gastric bypass. So far, so good. For the most part I've felt very healthy. I've had a few "hick-ups" along the way, however, I've had it "easy" compared to many other gastric bypass patients. I am truly thankful for the success I've had so far, and words cannot begin to describe how wonderful it is to feel healthy and alive. That said, here is my biggest concern and my darkest fear.....
               I am terrified that I will get fat again. Believe me when I say that I'm by no means thin. I am at what I consider to be a comfortable weight. I wear anywhere from a size 14 (or large) to an 18 (or X-large), depending upon where I shop. I am physically active for the first time in probably close to 20 years. I feel great! I'm just not skinny. In fact, technically, according to weight charts, I'm still considered obese. Grrr. So frustrating.

So, according to our current medical standards, I'm still too fat. People say I look like an "average" built woman now. Not too skinny, not too fat. Just right. Yay for me! I pretty much feel the same way. I feel attractive. I feel good about myself. More importantly, my general health is much improved. I never want to go back to where I was before. I want to continue to live.... I want to continue to have quality (not just quantity) in my days.

At times I now feel like my entire world revolves around food, and I guess it really does. I have to read labels, decide what is going to give me the highest amount of protein in the least calories, when I should be eating solids in relation to when I am consuming liquids. I also have to think over how my pouch may respond to any particular foods I eat. I'm much more focused now than I used to be.

Before surgery I would do what is referred to as "mindless eating." That's where you eat without even thinking about why you're doing it. It's one thing to "know" you're eating... such as for when you're irritated, depressed, stressed, celebrating, etc. It's another thing, entirely, when you just eat to eat. The food is there so you stuff it in your mouth. That's what is meant by mindless eating. I can honestly say that I don't do that anymore. I don't always eat the "right way." What I mean by that is there are some days when I make a conscious decision to NOT do what I'm supposed to do. I am fully aware that I am not following the post bypass guidelines, but there are times when I frankly don't care. I give in and do what I want to do. I usually end up "paying" for my behavior. When that happens, it's a good thing. It reminds me of why I had gastric bypass surgery, and what will happen when I don't follow the "rules."

As I go forward from here, the reality of what the rest of my life is going to be life is staring me in the face. I do not regret the decision I made..... not for a single second. I would do it over again in a heartbeat. When I began this journey I had a hard time even wrapping my head around getting to the point of being approved for surgery. Once that happened I had to get through the surgery and recovery period. Now I'm entering the "maintenance" part of the journey. Now is when the rubber meets the road. Now is when I either continue to make good choices and continue to keep the weight off, or ignore guidelines and gain back the weight I have lost. I MUST NOT LET THAT HAPPEN! I must not regain the weight.

My body will never be "perfect." I will always have lumps and bumps, sags, and bags. It is what it is. I consider the imperfections to be proof of the strides I have made, as well as reminders of where I was and where I am today. I am still a beautiful and vibrant woman. I still have much to give. I remain a work in progress.

Be Prepared.... Or NOT

 

So we've had a very mild winter again this year... snowfall wise, that is. A couple days ago we were expecting a major snow event... at least that's what all the forecaster's were predicting. I was totally stoked and looking forward to it. As the "event" approached, I got to thinking about something that seems to go hand in hand with winter storms. Well, it tends to follow 9 months after winter storms.      It got me thinking, whenever a storm is coming, people run out to the grocery stores and pick up on the necessary supplies. While I've never lived in an area where there are "predictable" items which are always needed, here in Pennsylvania there are standing "essential items" which you will find the masses stocking up on. They are....

Yep. This is it! Hard to believe, but you will find cart after cart loaded with these items. I can honestly say that I've never had to run to the store before a major weather event because I knew I was in jeopardy of running out of these "staple" items. SO, I got to wondering if maybe one of the essential items on a list shouldn't be...

 

Personally I think that given the significant increase in births, these are some of the very, VERY essential storm items which any person of childbearing age should stock up on. To do so will help decrease the following in their lives...

 

Just saying.....,

Seeing Green

How many of you remember these? I'm not sure why, but the past few days I've been thinking about S&H Green Stamps. I remember both my mom and my grandma collecting Green Stamps. It was loads of fun for us to lick the back of the stamps and put them in the Saver Books.

Every time we went to the grocery store or filled up on gas, we'd earn so many Green Stamps. I know Mom always went to locations where the S&H sign was displayed.

I also remember looking through the catalog. I positively loved catalogs when I was a kid. It was wonderful to turn the pages and discover different items you could get. Once an item was decided upon, we'd start saving up the stamps in the books. When we had enough stamps we knew we could either order from the catalog or go to the local redemption store. There was one just up the road from Grandma's house.

The stamps were found mainly from the 1930's though the late 1980's. Silly as it sounds, I looked forward to becoming an adult and collecting Green Stamps so I could "purchase" my own items with them. I did collect them in my very early 20's, and I may have even redeemed them for an item or two before the company stopped operations. It was sad to see them go. Just another memory from days gone by.

How Could I Forget?

Remember a couple posts back, I shared some of our new Christmas traditions. I forgot one! I was looking though pictures and realized one of the most fun traditions to begin was the arrival of Chick-A-Dee. She's our Elf on the Shelf. She had fun flying back and forth to the North Pole to report on the behaviors of family members. Santa must have been pleased with the reports because we received some wonderful gifts.

Sorry, Chick-A-Dee for forgetting to tell everyone about you. I hope you're having fun at the North Pole. Have a good year and we'll see you again on December 1st. Tell Santa we say hello.

Something's Missing...

There is something I've been missing. I missed it last year. So far I have missed it this year. What I'm missing is something that brings me a feeling of peace. I love watching it as it arrives. I love the quiet hush that accompanies its arrival. Everything appears fresh and new. It is pristine. For reasons I can't quite explain, when it arrives I feel refreshed and energized. There's a magical quality to it. Strange, but true.
So, what is it I've been missing?

SNOW!
When I lived in Arizona and Utah, we had enough snow that I got my "fix." It never seemed to get old. Perhaps I'm weird, but I truly do enjoy snow. I'm feeling a little antsy right now. I've been seeing news coverage about snowstorms out west and in the southeast, but nothing of significance has happened here in our area for a long time. I need a good snowstorm.

I want to make a snow angel. Who can't say that was a wonderful memory from their childhood?

And then there's the snowman. Everyone needs to build a snowman at least once in their lifetime.

One must take time to build snow forts as well. What would life be without a battle fought in the chill of winter?

 

When Emile and Brie were younger I used to read a lot of stories to them. Two of their favorites were about snowmen. Imagine that! Even I enjoyed the stories. Could it be the magic of snow I mentioned earlier?

 Last year I discovered another wonderful story. It's about Snowflake Bentley (I'll bet you couldn't figure that out by the title). I had never heard about him until I was in the library with my 3rd grade kiddos. What a wonderful story about an amazing man. 

I won't provide any more "clues" as to who Snowflake Bentley is. You won't be disappointed when you read the book.

For now I have got to continue to dream of my missing friend. Each time a snowstorm seems to be developing or approaching, I feel excited.... almost like I did when I was a child waiting for the first snowfall of the winter. I'm still waiting. Until the snow does arrive, I'll have to be satisfied with the next best thing. 

A snow globe.