Good Grief!!!

I was looking at my blog a few days ago... and once again I was feeling guilty. After doing so well with my blogging, I seem to have had nearly two years of super bad entries. I'm not sure why that is the case, with the exception of how extremely busy my life has become. And frankly there are some painful events that have happened in the last year and a half that I'd much rather forget. I suppose that's more of the reason than perhaps any other. Some days it's easier to "pretend" that life is moving along as happy as can be, when the reality is much different. That said, I will say that I'm still in a very uncertain stage of my life.

In addition to some of the personal demons I'm facing, I'm also deeply troubled by the state of the world I find myself living in. Whether it is the political strife in our nation, the state of the economy, the rising crime in my own neighborhood, or the general feeling of a looming crisis, I'm finding it more and more difficult to put on my "happy face." Surely I'm not the only person feeling this. At least I hope that's not the case.

All that said, I am still grateful for all the amazing blessings I have in my life. I have gainful employment, my home, food on the table, and two incredibly wonderful daughters. And even though some of the relationships have changed, I know there are people out there who care about me. So, with that knowledge, why do I find myself feeling the way I do? There are some obvious answers... which for now I cannot address. But there is also something more... something deeper that I am struggling with. Life certainly isn't easy, is it?

I feel like I'm rambling... and perhaps I am. It's just an example of the disconnect and turmoil I feel. For now it is all that I am willing to share. Maybe more will be shared at another point. Maybe not. I truly don't know. I do know that I am struggling.... Of that I am sure.