I have had several people tell me that when their children hit about 14 they morphed into something they could not exactly identify. I now understand what they were talking about. My cute little Em has become a complete stranger to me. I have no idea who she is anymore. We are about as far apart from one another as any two people could be.
I used to be able to know that I could count on Emile... that she was where she said she was going to be... doing what she said she'd be doing. Now I don't know. I'm totally confused about where I stand, what she expects from our family, and where she wants to be. One thing that does come across loud and clear? She hates me and everything I stand for. My rules are stupid. She doesn't want to be around me. As soon as she graduates... "I'm out of here."
I truly don't know where my daughter has gone. I don't know Emile at all. I grieve the loss of my relationship with her... yet at the same time I'm angry at the fact that she continues to push those who love her the most away. She says she wants nothing from me (in particular), yet she's unable to stand on her own. She doesn't want to abide by family rules, yet I cannot make her leave my home when she disregards/breaks the rules.
In her mind I must put up with whatever she sends my way because "I'm a teenager and that's what we do." Am I wrong? Do I have to put up with her disrespect and disregard? I don't feel I should. I have a legal, moral, and financial obligation to this young lady. I cannot just walk away from her. At the same time I'm not sure how to continue living with her. I truly don't know what to do anymore.
I love my daughter. I never ever thought a day like this would come. I miss the special times I used to have with Emile. I pray for guidance on how to deal with these tough days. Emile brought such joy into my life the day she was born. I hurt when I see where we are today. This is NOT how I want to be with her. She is my child... I want to be with her... to love her... to have joy in her. It's just incredibly painful right now.
To say we're hanging on by a thread would be a HUGE understatement.
3 comments:
I am so sorry that you have to go through this right now. How horrible! That's something that totally scares me when my kids grow up and I can remember feeling a lot that way about my parents. I think it's just a phase though and she'll grow out of it, it's pretty normal... it doesn't make it any less painful though, especially to be on your side and having to endure it alone. Hang in there Brenda, you'll be in my prayers!
Sorry to hear that. I think every parent worries about this - hopefully this phase won't last very long. She'll realize again what a great gift she has for you as a mother!
I'll be thinking of you!
I love that one swirling painting. Do you have a name to that or link?
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