Dare I Dream? ...

We've all asked this question. At this point in time I'm really mulling things around my mind. We all have those things which we most desire to have in our lives. Goals which we hope to accomplish. Dark things which we fear the most. All can relate to what I'm saying. And so here I am ... approaching 50 ... the "half way" point. How did I arrive here so quickly? And how have I failed to accomplish some of the things which I want most to have?

What is it that I most desire? What is it that seems to continue to elude me? What is it I fear I will never have the most?
                   This.....
 
I want to find a companion to grow old beside. I have accomplished some amazing things in my life. I have overcome incredible challenges. I have grown and evolved into a dynamic woman that is capable of great things. That being said, I have yet to find a trustworthy, loyal, and loving man to share my life with. Why?

Am I too picky? Am I unattractive? Do I expect too much? Do I have too much "baggage?" Am I too set in my ways? Am I too easy? Am I not easy enough? I could go on.... You get the point though. Is there a concrete reason why I have yet to find "him?" Probably not. But that doesn't make the reality of the situation any easier to handle.

Here's what I do know. I'm tired beyond belief of being on my own. I am lonely. Period. I hate going to bed alone. I long to have someone hold my hand... put his arms around me... talk to me in the dark... share my day with... AND grow with. I miss having someone to share my accomplishments with. I miss SO much. I'm also tired of hearing people tell me what a wonderful woman I am.... that I have so many talents... so many great things to offer someone. If I'm all that, why am I still alone?
For now I am unable to give up on my dream. I cannot stop hoping that I will have a man come into my life who will recognize the special person I am. I will not give up on finding someone who I will be able to give all that I am, have, and will become to. I still believe he's out there. Who knows, maybe I've already met him but haven't figured it out yet. I sure hope so. I don't want to continue this journey on my own. 

The Vice President Comes to Town

We had a visitor in West York yesterday. Hard to believe it, but the Vice President came to town. When I heard he was coming to our very own high school, the only thought I had was "Why on earth is he coming here?" I was pretty darned surprised.  
 

Brie and I went on our walk/run Sunday morning. Normally we are on the track, however, due to security precautions for the VP, we were unable to do so. Instead we went out and around the school. We still got a decent workout. As we were going past the front of the school it was interesting to see all the Obama supporters in attendance. After almost four years of this administration being in the White House, I cannot see how people actually support them. Our nation continues to deteriorate. Our President continues to wreak havoc on the economy. The "Hope and Change" he promised during his last campaign has turned out to be anything but. This year as he campaigns it is under the guise of "FORWARD," and "Real Change." Oh, sure. Like we're going to move anywhere but backward with Barack Obama at the helm. Please! 

The propaganda machine is in overdrive. Crap is being spewed all over the airwaves. T-Shirts, pins, bumper stickers, and the likes are popping up everywhere. Of course Mitt Romney is doing the same thing to get his name out. Obviously I support Romney though. I truly pray he defeats Obama on November 6th. I am scared to think about what is going to happen to our country if Obama has another four years as our President.


Within a few hours the VP was gone. He tried to sell his snake oil in our area. Hopefully there weren't too many "sheep" who were buying. Perhaps I'm a bit shaded because the majority of my friends and acquaintances are conservative in nature. They feel a lot like I do. Big government is not the answer. And certainly Barack Obama is not helping our nation in the least bit. Regardless, only time will tell. 

Where Have I Been?

The other day I was doing some stuff around the house and I happened to mention my blog. The response was surprising to me. I was asked if I still have a blog. Imagine that! Me. The "blog queen" in our family. Then I got to thinking. Guess what??? I have been woefully inadequate at keeping up on my blog for a very long time. I can come up with several reasons (excuses) as to why this has happened. None would be acceptable though. For me blogging is important. It really is my life's journal. I just happen to share it with those I care about it. I don't feel I have to hide anything. I am who I am. Warts and all. Who knows, maybe something I share will make a difference for someone. That's not why I blog, but I do know that when I read an entry on a friends blog, it helps me see things from a different perspective.

Enough rambling. To get caught up on things.... since last blogging numerous events have taken place in my life. Some have been incredibly wonderful. A few have been beyond painful. I will call this portion "Choice and Consequence." As is the case with life, we all have choices we make. Sometimes we go into situations with our eyes wide open. Other times we leap too quickly.... unsure of exactly what the outcome may be, but willing to make the jump nonetheless. Such was the case for me. I met someone special. From the very first date we clicked. It was positively unbelievable to me. After nearly a decade and a half of being on my own I couldn't believe I had met him. To make a short story even shorter, things didn't work out as I thought they would. Unfortunately I let my guard down too quick, and to say I opened my heart up wholly and completely would be an understatement.

At the beginning of August he told me he didn't feel a connection to me. That it wasn't me... it was him. I had done everything thing right but he didn't feel he loved me. As quickly as things started for us, they ended. It was done just like that. Almost a month later I'm feeling better about things. I will be honest though, my self esteem really took a hit on this. I can't help but wonder what I lack. What is it that makes it where I'm still alone? Why don't I have someone in my life to love? I may never know the answer to some of my questions. So I am left to put one foot in front of the other and move on. To stop would be to give up. I will not do that.

I have started dating again. I find it challenging. I have my guard up. I DO NOT want to be hurt again. I DO NOT want to begin to care about someone only to be kicked to the curb again. At the same time I realize I must be willing to take the chance in order to find what I seek most. A loving, loyal, and trustworthy companion to stand beside. It doesn't seem too much to dream of. And yet.....