The Beginning of the End.. times 2

I have a momma dove sitting on her nest above our front door. She's been there for over a week... and to my knowledge she hasn't left her nest at all. She's always there when I look and doesn't even leave when I'm sitting on the porch within 2 or 3 feet of her. Watching her, I feel somewhat like a momma bird... only difference, my little "peeps" are getting closer and closer to leaving the nest. And so it goes... today was the beginning of the end for both of the girls. For Emile it was the first day of her senior year in High School. For Brie it was the first day of 8th grade... which means her last year in Middle School. Things are changing faster than I ever imagined it would. Seems it was just yesterday I was rocking my babies... now I'm getting them ready to begin their own lives. Where has the time gone?Emile looking ready to face the day head on.

Brie ready to see her friends and peers.

My beautiful girls.... growing up way to fast. I love you both!! Have a great school year.

Kauffman Reunion 10

This past Saturday (the 21st) was the 26th Annual Kauffman Reunion. It was held in Chambersburg. As always, it was a ton of fun. I just love this reunion! We had a great time visiting with everyone, eating yummy food, playing "Crazy Bingo," Bonce Ball, and of course the kids got to break open a pinata. And we took plenty of pictures to add to the photo albums.While we were at the reunion someone noticed a fire across the interstate. It appeared there was some type of burning going on but it looked like the flames were getting dangerously close to the house. Uncle Ray called 911 just in case.While waiting to see what may end up happening, Uncle Ray turned to me and told us his parents (my grand-parents) had lived in that house at one time. He then told me that was the house my dad had been born in way back in 1929. I never knew that. Uncle Ray brought over a photo album and sure enough, there was a picture of the house...Emile and Michele decided it would be fun to play on the playground. I can't blame them. Who can resist a giant dinosaur slide, right???The race is on.....Girls will be girls... what a fun time they had.

So another family reunion is done. Only a "few" months left until we head to Chambersburg for our next get together.

Crash, Bang, Boom!

Tonight I worked until 11pm with one of my clients. During the evening I had the chance to witness an amazing thunderstorm. When I was a young child I was terrified of thunderstorms.... I mean like pee my pants scared. Funny how things have changed. Now I find myself drawn to them. I couldn't help but get outside and get some pictures. Enjoy.

Local live radar loop and warnings running across the bottom of the screen.

Complete darkness followed by blinding light. Clear bolt of lightening then the sky begins to darken again.

Not the best picture, but you still get the general idea. I was thrilled when I saw this.

This picture reminds me of a storm on the Serengeti.

Looking Southeast toward Jacobus, PA. I didn't realize I had caught this strike and almost deleted the picture. I'm so glad I didn't.

So I guess it's easy to see why I love watching storms. Nature is amazing. I can't imagine life without a good storm from time to time.

Sweet Dreams

I know it's been a while since I last posted... which is a bit of a surprise to me. It's been a super busy month and I just didn't take the time to blog. My bad. Here we go....

A Beautiful Specimen

On July 27th I had my sleep study at the Wellspan Sleep Center. The first part of the study is observing you sleep until no later than 1:30am. The second portion is observing you sleep while using the CPAP. There are certain parameters you must meet by 1:30 in order to do the second portion of the study. For me the study went very well (as in I failed miserably, which is what we expected). Here are the study results:

DIAGNOSTIC STUDY
Monitoring Phase:
Total sleep time for the study was 129.5 minutes. During this time there were 225 arousal's (arousal index was 104.2 per hour of sleep). There were 15 obstructive apneas and 105 obstructive hypopneas (apnea/hypopnea index was 55.5 events per hour of sleep). Average O2 saturation was 92% with the lowest level recorded at 86%. Average heart rate was 72.6 beats per minute with an irregular heart rhythm noted.

CPAP Titration Study:
Monitoring Phase:
Total sleep time for the study was 252.5 minutes. During this time there were 54 arousal's (arousal index was 12.8 per hour of sleep). There were 0 obstructive apneas and 5 obstructive hypopneas (apnea/hypopnea index was 1.2 events per hour of sleep). Average O2 saturation was 94% with the lowest level recorded at 89%. Average heart rate was 62.3 beats per minute with an irregular heart rhythm noted.

Summary:
The diagnostic study showed a severe form of obstructive sleep apnea. CPAP was titrated from 5 to 19 cm of H2O. Snoring was eliminated at 19, however, an acceptable apnea/hypopnea index was present with any pressure above 15 cm of H2O. A full face mask is a must for this patient. If the patient is unable to tolerate this high CPAP pressure, the consideration can be given to lower the CPAP to anywhere between 15 and 19 cm of H2O.

End of report.

So there you have the Reader's Digest condensed version of my study. There was other information presented, but this is it in a nutshell.

CPAP Machine

I have a choice of two types of masks I can use. I prefer the "pillow" mask, which fits directly into the nostrils. I'm told this isn't a good idea for me due to the high pressure setting.A full face mask is recommended. I have been fitted for one with a gel insert and soft silicone that's supposed to be fairly comfortable and generally well tolerated.We'll see how it goes. I'm still in the "try it out" phase. I'm really hoping the pillow mask will work best because it's almost like having nothing at all. The only down side to it is when you have a cold. Then you must use the full mask. I'm just glad I have the equipment I need to finally get some much needed sleep. The Cardiologist and Pulmonologist have told me that this is critical to helping with my Congestive Heart Failure and Pulmonary Hypertension. It's a new day to begin feeling better! Yay.

Total Confusion

I have had several people tell me that when their children hit about 14 they morphed into something they could not exactly identify. I now understand what they were talking about. My cute little Em has become a complete stranger to me. I have no idea who she is anymore. We are about as far apart from one another as any two people could be.I used to be able to know that I could count on Emile... that she was where she said she was going to be... doing what she said she'd be doing. Now I don't know. I'm totally confused about where I stand, what she expects from our family, and where she wants to be. One thing that does come across loud and clear? She hates me and everything I stand for. My rules are stupid. She doesn't want to be around me. As soon as she graduates... "I'm out of here."I truly don't know where my daughter has gone. I don't know Emile at all. I grieve the loss of my relationship with her... yet at the same time I'm angry at the fact that she continues to push those who love her the most away. She says she wants nothing from me (in particular), yet she's unable to stand on her own. She doesn't want to abide by family rules, yet I cannot make her leave my home when she disregards/breaks the rules.In her mind I must put up with whatever she sends my way because "I'm a teenager and that's what we do." Am I wrong? Do I have to put up with her disrespect and disregard? I don't feel I should. I have a legal, moral, and financial obligation to this young lady. I cannot just walk away from her. At the same time I'm not sure how to continue living with her. I truly don't know what to do anymore.I love my daughter. I never ever thought a day like this would come. I miss the special times I used to have with Emile. I pray for guidance on how to deal with these tough days. Emile brought such joy into my life the day she was born. I hurt when I see where we are today. This is NOT how I want to be with her. She is my child... I want to be with her... to love her... to have joy in her. It's just incredibly painful right now.To say we're hanging on by a thread would be a HUGE understatement.

Kids Will Be Kids

Another riddle...

What do you get when you combine a train bridge over a creekWith a bunch of teenagers who are afraid of nothing?

A body decorated with bruises.Em's legs look much worse than these pictures show... Oh, to be young and daring again.
KIDS WILL BE KIDS!!!

FYI... Just to clarify, Emile and her friends weren't jumping today (Sunday). They were up on the creek Wednesday.

Meet Daphne

It's been a little over 3 weeks since Emile's accident (and no vehicle of our own) and I'm so VERY excited to announce an addition to our family. I'd like everyone to meet.... DAPHNE!!!Daphne is a 2001 Ford Escape. She runs well and is in fantastic shape. I'm so pleased to finally have a vehicle of my own again.Daphne's back end. Beautiful, right?!?And finally, here's Dopey. Dopey has been my companion since I first hung him from the rear view mirror of a car I had 8 years ago. I've always managed to remember to get him even though 2 cars he rode in were totaled. He's always there giving me a smile. So here he is, hanging out again. Finally, as the song goes.... On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again... YAY!!!

To Breathe or Not to Breathe

That is the question. With the heat wave we've been enduring the past 6 days, my poor lungs have become stressed. I did well until Wednesday before beginning to have trouble catching by breath. Fortunately this time I didn't wait to seek medical help. See, I told you I learn..... eventually.For the past month I've been using an Albuterol Inhaler with a spacer (so more of the medication gets into my lungs where it's needed). Yesterday I called Dr. K. and asked if I could use it more often than once every 4 hours. He bumped it up to once every 2 hours with the instruction that if I didn't improve by today he would need to see me.After struggling to breathe since 2:30am today, I went in to the doctor. After a chest X-ray which came back clear, he put me on a steroid for 5 days and prescribed a Nebulizer so I can do my own breathing treatments at home. This is the unit I got. It's portable and can even be used by hooking the power source into a vehicle lighter. I'll be doing treatments every 6 hours for at least 3 or 4 days until things settle back down. At least I'm not in the hospital again. Woo Hoo!!!!

Teenagers!

When I was a kid, all I dreamed about was growing up, getting married, and having babies. I'm fairly certain I had a house with shutters and a white picket fence around it. We all know that reality is oft times different than the dreams of our youth... when we still saw life through rose colored glasses. Which leads me to today.

I am now the mother of 2 beautiful daughters, both of whom happen to be teenagers. I just have one question. How in the heck did this happen???? My darling little angels have morphed into these creatures I don't even recognize at times. It's down right frightening.Now I deal with the "typical teenager" mentality. I no longer know anything. My rules are stupid. I shouldn't be forcing anyone to do anything. I should be allowing mistakes to be made now while I can still save them from their own stupidity! I should give them their freedom and space..... On the other hand, I should be buying them cars. I should be providing for their physical needs and welfare. I should buy them what they want when they want it. I should not ask them to do any chores or help out around the house (that's just being mean). I should let them stay up until the wee hours of the morning and sleep until noon. And when they finally do drag their butts out of bed, I should let them run free for the rest of the day. Heck, it's summer, that's what teenagers do.

Needless to say, I'm losing my ever loving mind. I'm just living for the day when I'm no longer stupid. It's coming. For the record, I can't wait until reality slaps them up side the head... just like it's doing to me. Paybacks can be a bugger.

Summer's Here

After perfect weather last week.... as in temps in the mid to upper 70's with low humidity in the daytime and mid 50's at night, we're in the middle of a smack down right now. Summer has definitely arrived... and with a vengeance!The temperature today was 103 with the relative humidity at 37%... which makes the heat index... drum roll please..... 107-110 (give or take)!!!! It was so flipping hot today. How hot was it you ask????????? In addition to being able to fry an egg on the sidewalk, here's what's left of the ice cream truck that tried to drive through our neighborhood.....The poor ice cream man. So sad. All I can say is... I'm really wishing it would.......

SNOW!!!!

I Pledge Allegiance...

I Promise to be faithful and true (Promise my loyalty)

to the flag...

to the emblem that stands for and represents

of the United States...

all 50 states, each of them individual, and individually represented on the flag

of America...

yet formed into a UNION of one Nation.

and to the Republic...

And I also pledge my loyalty to the Government that is itself a Republic, a form of government where the PEOPLE are sovereign,

for which it stands,...

this government also being represented by the Flag to which I promise loyalty.

one Nation under God,...

These 50 individual states are united as a single Republic under the Divine providence of God, "our most powerful resource" (according to the words of President Eisenhower)

Indivisible,...

and can not be separated. This part of the original version of the pledge was written just 30 years after the beginning of the Civil War and demonstrates the unity sought in the years after that divisive period in our history)

with Liberty...

The people of this Nation being afforded the freedom to pursue "life, liberty, and happiness",

and Justice...

And each person entitled to be treated justly, fairly, and according to proper law and principle,

for All...

And these principles afforded to EVERY AMERICAN, regardless of race, religion, color, creed, or any other criteria. Just as the flag represents 50 individual states that can not be divided or separated, this Nation represents millions of people who can not be separated or divided.

Thus it is that when you Pledge Allegiance to the United States Flag, You:
*Promise your loyalty to the Flag itself.
*Promise your loyalty to your own and the other 49 States.
*Promise your loyalty to the Government that unites us all,
Recognizing that we are ONE Nation under God,
That we can not or should not be divided or alone,
And understanding the right to Liberty and Justice belongs to ALL of us.

HAPPY 4th OF JULY!!

The Land I Love

With the 4th of July just a few hours away, I thought I'd take a few minutes to think about what it is about this nation that I love. There are times when I become frustrated and saddened by what I see going on with our elected officials, however, I still can't think of another country in which I'd want to live.

Click to enlarge image.

Here are just a few of the things which I am thankful for.
1. My freedom.... I am free to succeed or fail. I can move about when and where I wish. I can speak my mind. I can achieve happiness in whatever form that means. It's entirely up to me.
2. My religion... which I am free to choose. I can worship when and how I desire.
3. My home.
4. Educational opportunities available to me and my children.
5. Food which is readily available.
6. Friends and family I can turn to and rely upon when things get tough.
7. My children.. who I love dearly even though they think I'm unfair and really mean.
8. Employment opportunities which aid in my ability to provide for my family.
9. Those who serve and protect me on a daily basis.... such as, police, fire fighters, medical professionals, and military personnel.
10. A loving Heavenly Father... who has blessed this nation. He is the ultimate source of all the blessings which I have in my life each and every day.

I love The United States of America and everything I have because of living here. "God shed his grace on thee.... " What a special day were are about to celebrate.

Cheating

Ok, I'm going to get on my soap box. There's something that has been eating at me for a while now and I can't keep it to myself. I just have to let it out. Here goes. I'm going to "rant" about cheating. No, I'm not talking about cheating on tests in school, on your income taxes (which are not okay either), no, I'm referring to INFIDELITY. What an ugly word.I'm sure we all know was infidelity is. Here's Wikipedia's definition. "Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship, which constitutes a significant to extreme breach, or outright default, on the implicit good faith contract of a relationship, or a betrayal of core shared values with which the integrity and nature of the relationship is defined. In common use, it describes an act of unfaithfulness to one’s husband, wife, or lover, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature."Before I go any further please let me state that infidelity WAS NOT a factor in the break down in my marriage. My former husband and I had problems.... but cheating on one another was not one of them. I wish I could say the same about my parents marriage. Unfortunately, cheating was a factor in their divorce. Needless to say, I have some feelings about the subject.

In the past several months I have watched several families fall apart due to infidelity. I'm just going to go ahead and say it... and I really don't care if anyone is offended or not. SHAME ON YOU! What were/are you thinking? And please, don't try giving me excuses as to why you cheat. I won't accept them... not now, not ever! Cheating is NEVER ok! It is the ultimate form of narcissism. Period. Frankly I don't care what may be going wrong in a persons marriage.... that is never a reason to cheat on your spouse. There are other ways to deal with a failing marriage. Adding insult to injury isn't going to fix anything.Here's what I'm seeing happen. Society is breaking down further and further. Family values are being kicked to the curb. What was sacred a couple decades ago is no longer. Instant gratification rules supreme. Who ends up suffering in the end? Who has to live with the consequences of a SELFISH parents actions? You guessed it. The children. Those who are most vulnerable and in need of a stable home in which to thrive and grow. How can they do that when a parent has BETRAYED the very institution of marriage? Who do they turn to for stability and trust?If this post hits a nerve, good. If it ticks you off, too bad. Stop thinking about your own self centered needs and think about the needs of the spouse and children you vowed to love, cherish and honor. The universe doesn't revolve around you. People are watching you and seeking guidance, security, trust, respect, and love from you. Your violation of all these things are hurting people. Maybe it's time to think about these realities before you jump into the sack with someone other than your spouse the next time. I hope it haunts you if you're in the act!