Eight Months and Counting

I'm still making progress. I can't believe it's been eight months already. I also can't believe how much better my life is due to the weight loss. Yay for renewed health and living life again.

Did It Really Happen?

I've just experienced the strangest event in my life. Scary and unbelievable at the same time. I'm truly blessed and thankful beyond words to be able to tell about this at all. It could have turned out to be so much worse.

I will have start at the beginning. Last Thursday, the 12th, I had an aura. It's a visual disturbance that looks something like a crescent moon shaped kaleidoscope figure that starts at the far left edge of my field of vision and continues to grow until it covers my entire field of vision. That usually takes about 20 minutes. It doesn't hurt and other than the nuisance of it (and the fact that I can't see correctly while it's happening) it has never been a problem. I've never really understood why it happened but it did maybe two or three times a year.Oddly though, I had another aura on the 13th. This time two distinctive things stood out in my mind. First of all, I had had one the day before (just 19 hour earlier), and this time the shapes started at the far right side of my field of vision. This had never happened before. I remember thinking that was an odd difference. Just as the one the day before though, it was painless and lasted about 30 minutes. The colors were more vivid and there were also flashes of white with this aura, but otherwise, it was the same as all the others I had experienced. Little did I know that things were about to drastically change.....

About a half hour after the aura I was sitting next to my student in class. We were working on some math measurements and all of a sudden I had the most intense pressure in my head. It started in the center of my brain and I literally felt like my head was going to explode outward for a period of time. That feeling ended and again I thought to myself that that was weird. About five minutes later I was mid sentence and I completely lost my ability to speak or even figure out what I was supposed to do next. I knew I was supposed to be explaining something but I couldn't figure out what it was. It was like a switch had been flipped and I didn't know what to do. After maybe 30 seconds or so I "came back." I decided to go to the bathroom and get some air. On my way out I said something to Mr. S. (the classroom teacher) about my head hurting. I don't remember saying that at all. From here things start moving pretty fast.

When I returned to the classroom I put my head on the desk. Mr. S. asked if I was ok. I told him I wasn't and he asked if he should call the nurse. I responded "yes." I knew something was going wrong and that I wasn't going to be able to stop whatever was happening. After contacting the nurse Mr. S. asked if he should do anything else. I told him to grab my wallet and pull out my emergency information (related to my medical history) and have it ready. That's the last thing I was able to say. By the time the nurse got to the classroom I had to be helped into the wheelchair. Once I was seated I immediately slumped forward and to the left. I was able to hear and see but other than that, I couldn't do anything at all. Once we got to the front office they (the nurse and the principal) put me on the floor. It was bizarre. I remember the nurse slapping my face and yelling at me to stay with her. I was thinking to myself I was "here" and if she slapped me one more time I would slap her back. The only thing I could hear myself doing though was making a grunting type sound and I could feel a tear running down my right cheek (just before they put me on the ground).

When the medic unit arrived they started o2 and attached heart leads, a pulse ox, got my B/P, and tried to start an IV. When they were getting ready to put me on a sling to lift me onto the gurney, I thought to myself that I'd help them by rolling. Silly me. I couldn't move anything. They had to do it all. When they rolled me back my left arm flopped off to the side and they had to put it back on my chest. About this time I started getting angry. I didn't like not being in control at all. They got me loaded in the ambulance where we ran (lights and sirens) to York Hospital. When we were en-route the medic called in my report. Because of being and EMT since 1988, I completely understood the jargon. It wasn't good at all. It confirmed everything that I already suspected. I was either having a brain bleed or a stroke. No good! They were unable to get in IV started in the rig either (after 3 attempts) so the medic told another EMT that they'd have to do a central line on me when I got to the ER. I knew I was in serious trouble. There was nothing I could do.When they were running me down the halls in the hospital (on the way to CT as soon as I arrived), I started to get nauseous and closed my eyes. I thought to myself.... You've got to freakin be kidding me. I'm 47 years old. I just lost 120+ pounds. I'm just beginning to live my life again, and now I'm going to be trapped in my body. ..... I was not pleased with the prospects of what was happening. More than being scared, I was frustrated beyond words. People were talking around (and to) me but I couldn't respond. At one point a doctor told me they suspected a stroke (the CT showed there wasn't a bleed) and that they were talking about doing a tPA treatment. I knew I couldn't have this treatment because of my medical history (and having an IVC filter in place). I was really hoping someone had read my medical card and saw this. Fortunately it turns out they had.

After a few hours a nurse came back into my bay (others had been in and out before as well). She had her back to me and was explaining that they were moving me to the ETCU to wait for a room. I said ok. She whipped around and her eyes were wide. She asked me when I had woke up. I told her I hadn't been sleeping. She then asked when I became aware of what was going on around me. I told her I was aware of everything from the beginning. I had never been asleep. She asked if I had been hearing everything. I told her I had seen and heard everything and everyone the entire time. I had never been unaware at all. She was amazed and told me that my pupils had been fixed and dilated and that I had been completely unresponsive from the time I had arrived in the ER. I told her I had been trapped in my body but there the entire time. Granted, my speech was slow, slurred, and very deliberate, and I still couldn't move any of my limbs at all, but I was beginning to "come back" so to speak.

A while later two doctors came into the ETCU and were examining me. When the admitting doc came in he was getting report from the other two. He was talking "around" me instead of to me and that frustrated me so I answered one of the questions he had asked his colleague. He did the rapid turn around to face me and had the same expression on his face as the nurse had had an hour or so earlier. He then started talking to me instead. By this point I was beginning to be able to move my arms and hands a little but I still couldn't move my legs. I could wiggle my toes though. Before leaving the room he told me "What I'm seeing is encouraging. From what I read in reports to what I'm seeing now is not what I was expecting. This is remarkable."

Just before I was to be transferred to my room, Imaging called and I was sent for an MRI. It took an hour or so and they had to use a contrast media (dye) for part of the test. I did fine after they injected the dye the first time, the second time I started to feel an itch in my throat and needed to cough. When they gave me the third injection things got bad. I started feeling like someone was sitting on my chest. I started sweating and getting super nauseous. I was really getting sick. When the techs pulled me out of the tube my face was flush and they knew there was a problem. I told them I was sick and they helped sit me up. I thought I was going to vomit. One ran to get some nurses from the ER. My B/P was dropping (60/38) and my heart rate was through the roof. Turns out I was having an allergic reaction to the dye. One nurse was talking to the radiologist for instructions on how to counteract the media. After 40 minutes or so I was stable and ready for transport to move me upstairs.

By the time I got to a room I was exhausted. I fell asleep quickly and only vaguely remember Bishop Miles and Bro. Tibbs coming in around 9 to give me a blessing. What a day. I was glad it was over.

Over then next day more and more function returned. The MRI showed no evidence of a stroke. Although a blood clot had going through and causing the incident could not be ruled out, they are leaning more toward a diagnosis of a complex migraine with visual aura. I'll explain more about that at another time. For now we'll just say I'm home from the hospital and in recovery mode. Another life lesson under my belt. It's onward and upward.

Miracles Do Happen

For my friends who follow me on Facebook, you are aware of the accident that occurred involving my former bishop (actually we were a branch, not a ward at the time), Ed Miller. After all that has taken place since the beginning, I felt strongly compelled to record these events. They are truly amazing.On Dec. 9, 2011 Lisa, Bishop Miller's daughter, posted this picture and message... "A gas can blew up in his hands. He was on fire from his stomach up, I got the fire out, but not before it burned his face. 2nd degree burns, major tissue damage. He is at st. Likes (St. Lukes) hospital in phx (Phoenix). 1st surgery at 930 this morning. All prayers appreciated." Lisa and her dad are masons and were working together the day of the accident.Throughout the next several days, Lisa continued to provide updates on Bishop Miller's status.... "The burns are severe second degree with a lot of tissue damage. He his having his first surgery this morning (Friday), with more to follow. He will be ok, but a long painful recovery. Skin grafts from cadavers will be used. He burned his whole face. Thanks for the prayers."... "Dad says 'I'm fine'."... "Thanks to everyone who has said a prayer for my dad and for all the well wishes. I just got home from a long weekend in Phoenix. They took the bandages off dad this morning. The cadaver skin they used for the first graft was from a black person, so he's not quite looking like himself (we have to joke about that one) :) The Doctor was amazed at how well everything looked. Also, at the great positive attitude that my dad has (yup he's amazing that way). On Tuesday they will remove the cadaver skin and we will then know if his skin is regrowing (this is what we all need to be praying for), if this happens he will not need another graft. If not, they will take skin from his scalp and possibly his thigh. Some spots could need it, where others do not. Either way, it will be a long recovery. Thanks again, and please continue to keep him in your prayers :)"

People all over the place began praying for this wonderful man. I cannot tell you what an impact he made in my life. I will love him forever. He was an anchor for me when I was in my teens. My life was a mess. I was truly struggling and hanging on by a thread. He and Sister Miller were always there for me. I was devastated when I heard that he had been burnt so badly. Needless to say I was praying for him as well.

On Dec. 13th Lisa posted this..."My dad leaving the hospital today!!"I was completely stunned. After only 6 days, Bishop Miller was well enough to go home! This was remarkable... and miraculous. It only gets better from here. On Dec. 24th Lisa posted.."My dad, today. Miracle!"I would have to agree 100%. From Dec. 8 to the 24th? Pretty amazing in my book. The most recent picture posted was on Jan. 6, 2012. Bishop Miller looking just like I remember him. As handsome and cheerful as ever!In less than a month a great majority of healing has already taken place. Faith, prayer, and priesthood blessings played a major role in this miracle. The fact that Bishop Miller is an upbeat and loving man didn't hurt either. I know some of my friends were praying for him as well. Thank you. I'm sure they are part of why this has happened the way it has. What a testament this has been for me. Miracles are still happening. Truly....

Who Am I.....

Born June 7, 1964
Rejected by Mae
Exposed and violated
Never knew where I truly fit in
Devoid of complete security
Adopted